How I Got To Where I Am
by Caitlinlaurie
Summary: When Mark Sloan left Seattle Grace, he never thought he would return. Now, years later, he has to come back to save a life and confront all that was left behind. Mark/Lexie.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** How I Got To Where I Am

**Characters:** Mark/Lexie

**Rating:** T

**Spoilers: **Up through 5.17 "I'll Follow You into the Dark"

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it.

**A/N:** This is a multi-chapter fic set in an AU Future.

**A/N 2:** This came from the idea that Derek might do something he would later regret because of the pain he is feeling. I in no way think this will happen, but I thought it was a fun idea to explore. And if you don't like it, don't read it!

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The sight and sound of pouring rain greeted Mark Sloan on the night he returned to Seattle.

Not that it surprised him, really. In the year and a half that he had lived there before, he could hardly remember the handful of sunny days. It seemed as if the city had conspired to give him endless rain, despite assurances from locals that the sun did shine in the Emerald City.

Now, standing in front of the hospital he had sworn to never set foot in again, Mark braced himself, bundling up his coat against the cold. The buttoned-down wool was a far cry from the leather he had once worn. In the last few years, his favorite leather jacket had slowly made its way out of rotation. At first it was for the weather in his home city. New York winters were not kind to mere leather jackets. But then, Spring came and the jacket did not make an appearance. Soon he realized that it had become a choice. Leather just didn't fit into the man he was anymore.

As the cold air seeped through the pockets of his coat, his fingers began to tingle. Removing his hands, he clapped them together a few times, wishing he hadn't left his gloves in the suitcase at the Archfield. It had been odd to be back there, back in a place which had seen so much of his life.

But it was nothing like returning to Seattle Grace.

Mark stood on the walkway in front of the hospital, looking up at the large glass exterior of his former workplace. If he thought about it, he could see it all again. All his time at Seattle Grace.

He could see the beginning, coming to see Addison and to repair his relationship with Derek.

He could see the work, the surgeries, the trips to the bar, and the anonymous women.

He could see Derek as they tentatively tried to put the shards of their friendship back together, back before they both knew that was impossible.

But mostly, he could see Lexie.

Mark sighed, and thought back to the last day he had worked at Seattle Grace.

* * *

_Four Years Earlier…_

Mark smiled to himself as he strode down the corridor towards the office of the Chief. That familiar path, the one he had stridden down many times before, passed away without incident, which was fortunate because his mind was elsewhere. Instead of wondering what his upcoming meeting was about, Mark allowed his mind to drift backwards to the previous night.

He and Lexie had been on their first official date.

It was rather laughable to him that he had been practically living with Lexie for the last three months, but they had never been on a date. Instead, they had had sex, and movie nights, and takeout dinners, and breakfast in bed. They had been to the gym together, grocery shopping together, and even to visit her mother's grave. But they had never been on a date.

That finally changed that the previous night.

Lexie had primped in front of the mirror, Mark had put on a suit, and he "picked her up" from the bathroom in his hotel room. Mark wondered if Lexie expected something different of him, but she seemed content to just spend time with him. After dinner at a steakhouse, they had gone for a walk down by the water, and then taken a ride on one of the ferry boats. They may have been Derek's thing, but for the first time Mark had understood why. Lexie had led the way to the upper level where they sat on a bench and huddled for warmth as the boat moved steadily across the Sound.

He had given her his jacket, and been rewarded with the best smile he had ever received. There was something about the way that she looked at him which made his breath catch in his chest. Perhaps it was the way her eyes lit up when he spoke to her; he didn't know, but he loved the way it made him feel.

Mark smiled to himself as he thought about it now.

When he reached the door to the Chief's office, Mark knocked steadily.

"Come in," the Chief said from inside.

Mark turned the handle, and pushed the door open.

"Aw, Dr. Sloan," Richard said, putting down the file he was reading. "Please take a seat."

Mark closed the door and then sat in the chair in front of the Chief's desk. "You'll be happy to know," Mark began, "That I was able to successfully transfer those skin grafts to Alex McDonald."

"Good, good," The Chief murmured distractedly. "Sloan, there is a reason I wanted to see you today."

"Oh?" Mark asked, raising his right eyebrow.

"Yes, it is about Dr. Shepherd."

Mark felt annoyance fill him. He should have known that this meeting was not about _his_ career. "What about him?"

"I have spoken with him and he has agreed to return to the hospital."

"Fancy that," Mark muttered. "Agreeing to come back and do the job he is paid for."

Richard sighed, and then said, "Yes, well…"

Mark growled, upset at Webber's delay tactics. "What does this have to do with me?"

The Chief looked at him steadily. "He has some conditions."

"He has been absent for four weeks, leaving you in the lurch, and _he_ has some conditions?"

"Yes."

Mark began to feel his stomach clench. He decided to cut to the chase. "How does this concern me, Richard?"

"You are one of the conditions, Mark." The Chief's eyes seemed apologetic. "Dr. Shepherd has informed me that he can no longer work with you."

"Work with me? We haven't had a case together in over three months!" Mark spat.

"Yes, well, it is a concern to Dr. Shepherd."

"So what, then?" Mark asked, barely containing his anger. "Are we just supposed to stay in our separate corners of the surgical floor, hoping we never have a case together?"

The Chief suddenly looked uncomfortable. "There might be a more permanent solution to be had, Dr. Sloan."

Mark suddenly felt as though he was back in the third grade, when their teacher, Mrs. Davidson, had picked Derek to be the student of the month despite Mark having better grades, behavior, and wanting it more. He cleared his throat. "What are you saying, Richard? Spell it out for me."

"Look, Sloan, we all know that you only work at this hospital because Shepherd is here. I know you have been receiving monthly offers from Cedars Sinai, New York Presbyterian, Johns Hopkins, and Massachusetts General. You could write your own ticket at any of those. It might be a good idea if you exercised one your options."

Mark felt a quiet rage fill him. "Might I remind you that I have a contract?!"

"I know you do," the Chief replied. "That is why this is a suggestion, nothing more."

Mark could not believe that this was happening to him. "How can you do this? How is the Board letting you do this? You and I both know that I bring more money to this hospital than all the other surgeons combined!"

"But Derek brings the prestige," the Chief said quietly. "You know you are the best, and I know you are the best, but it means little for me to have a top Plastic Surgeon at my hospital when I have no head of Cardio or Neuro. I am sorry, Mark, but this hospital needs Derek."

_And it doesn't need you_. Those unspoken words hung in the air.

Mark stood then, feeling dizzy and nauseous. The self-worth which he had been slowly building up again over the past year and a half, slipped away from him. He didn't hear the Chief calling his name as he left the room, and he began to walk down the hallway to his office. It all felt surreal, as if it was happening to someone else. Someone outside his body.

How was this possible? He was pulled his weight around here, and despite his behavior in the past, he was a model employee. He brought in all the donors, damn it!

He felt very small.

When he reached his office, Mark started in surprise to see Lexie sitting at his desk, thumbing through a medical journal.

"Hi," She said, her bright eyes looking up at him. "That was quick."

Mark just stared at her, drinking in the sight of the woman he had come to care so much for.

"So," Lexie said, standing. "Was the Chief wowed by your brilliance on the McDonald case? I bet he was."

Mark closed the door, and sat down heavily in one of the chairs facing his desk. _Not my desk anymore_, he thought bitterly to himself.

Lexie rambled on for a little while, and Mark let her, not yet ready to confront the very cold reality he now found himself faced with. He had to leave Seattle Grace.

"So what did the Chief want?" Lexie finally asked, after a long tangent.

"My resignation," Mark said with a sigh.

"What?" She sputtered. "He can't do that!"

"I assure you, he can," Mark replied.

"But you have a contract!"

"I know."

Lexie's eyes filled with tears. "Is this because of me? Are you in trouble for being with me? Have I ruined your career?"

Mark felt his chest get tight. He grabbed Lexie's hand and tugged her onto his lap. He then wrapped his arms around her. "This has nothing to do with you. I don't ever want you to think that it does. This is about me and Derek."

"You and Derek?" Lexie repeated. Her eyes cleared then, and her breathing calmed as a look of dejection came over her face. "So it is about me."

"No," Mark said. "It is about my best friend being an ass. He can't see beyond his temper tantrum at the moment." As Mark sarcastically defended Derek, he began to get very angry. When did he finally have to stop defending Derek? When did Mark finally get to stop being the bad guy?

After a while, Mark realized that Lexie had gotten very quiet. When he finally looked at her, he saw streams of tears coming down her face. "Hey, Little Grey," He said quietly. "Why are you crying?"

Lexie turned her tear-stained face to him and whispered, "I don't want to lose you. But I am, aren't I? You will go off to one of those other amazing hospitals, ones that aren't ranked twelfth, and you will forget me. I thought," Lexie's voice caught as she tried to explain all that she felt, "I thought a three percent chance was worth fighting for; I thought we shouldn't give up." Her voice trailed off.

Mark felt as though his world was crashing down for a second time that day. He hadn't even thought about what this would mean for him and Lexie. The taste of bile rose in the back of his throat as he thought of what this would do to her.

He hated Derek Shepherd in that moment.

Mark clutched Lexie closer to him and tried to think of a way to make it stop. To make her feel better.

But she didn't want to be comforted. With a bravery that surprised Mark, she raised her eyes to his and asked in a calm voice, "It's over, isn't it?"

It wasn't really a question.

* * *

_Present Day..._

Not wanting to delay any longer, Mark walked into the hospital through the double doors. His eyes sought out familiar faces, but finding none, he walked over to the elevator. Once it arrived, he stepped on and pressed the number for the surgical floor.

He heard whispering in the back of the elevator, and turned to see one of the nurses he had once known speaking hurriedly to her friend. Mark couldn't remember her name, so he nodded politely to her and turned back around.

It seemed some things at Seattle Grace never changed. Word of his arrival should be all over the hospital in no time.

When the elevator arrived on the floor he wanted, Mark walked down the hall and across the bridge to the Chief's office.

When he arrived, Mark knocked on the door, much in the way he had the last day he had worked at Seattle Grace.

"Enter," a voice called from within.

Mark opened the door.

"Ah, Dr. Sloan. I was wondering if you were going to arrive tonight."

Mark smiled. "I didn't want to sit around the hotel with nothing to do. I thought I would come and see if I could get started on this case. The sooner I get going, the sooner I am on a plane back to New York." Mark closed the door, and moved further into the office.

The Chief laughed. "Oh, come now. It is not so bad. Seattle grows on you after a while."

"That's what they tell me, but it never did," Mark said with a smirk. He looked around the room appreciatively. "I like what you have done with the place. Much more like a working office now."

The Chief nodded. "After Dr. Webber left, I wanted to put my own stamp on it." He paused and rubbed the beard on his face. "I am glad you came, Dr. Sloan. I wondered if you would."

Mark turned and looked at him. "For anyone else, I would have said no. But after the…sensitive situation you took care of for me all those years ago, well, I couldn't say no. I owed you one."

"Well, it is good to see you, Dr. Sloan. Whatever the reason."

"You too, Dr. Hunt," Mark said, smiling at Owen. "You too."

TBC

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A/N: Sorry for any construed Derek bashing. Don't worry, the rest of the fic is Derek friendly!

**Review Please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for the wonderful responses. I am so glad you are all enjoying this story as much as I am enjoying writing it. Many people have commented on what is going on, but I just want to say that my readers should take nothing for granted. The clues to the mystery are all within the text. Without further ado...**

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In the quiet of the office, Mark felt the years begin to rewind. He could almost see himself as it used to be: meeting donors in the Chief's office, laughing with Derek on the bridge, grabbing Lexie to pull her into an on call room, bumping elbows with Callie as they scrubbed in on a surgery together. But those images, once so inviting, left him with nothing more than sad nostalgia now.

Rather than dwell on the past, he stood and walked over to the bookcase on the far wall. Hunt had filled it with battered medical textbooks, obviously well used and well loved over the years. There were also small pieces of metal that had some meaning to him and a collection of golf balls in a jar, but it was the pictures that caught Mark's eye. In various photos, Mark saw Owen and Cristina, Derek and Owen, Christina and Meredith, all posed and happy as if that was the type of people they were. But Mark knew those the people in the photos hid dark and twisty interiors.

Picking up the one nearest to him, Mark examined the picture.

"You and Yang, huh?" Mark asked. "I must admit I heard something about that before I left."

Owen nodded, sitting on the corner of his desk. "Yeah, we have been together for four years now."

Mark put the photo down and picked up another of Owen, Meredith, Christina, and Derek. They were all smiling at Joe's, and Mark had to force himself to release the frame without breaking it. There should have been two more smiling faces in the picture.

"So, what happened to everyone?" Mark asked, sitting down on the couch. He didn't really care about anyone other than Callie, but he wanted to hear it all the same.

Owen remained on his desk, and said, "Well, Torres, Shepherd, Robbins, and Bailey are still here. We have one of the best Peds surgical units in the country now. Dr. Webber will occasionally return for an interesting case. And as for Christina's friends, well, Meredith is still here in Neuro, and Karev is in General Surgery. But Stevens, well…"

Mark nodded. "Yeah, I got the news in New York."

Owen looked at him with an odd expression on his face, but he didn't comment on the oblique statement. "O'Malley left not long after you did. He joined the army, and is now saving lives on the battlefield," Owen's voice held a small amount of pride in it. "Some friends of mine tell me he is doing very well for himself."

Mark smirked and refrained from saying what he was thinking.

There was one name not mentioned, but if Hunt wasn't going to say it, Mark didn't want to bring it up.

Instead, he requested, "So tell me about this case."

Owen nodded and handed Mark the file that was sitting on his desk. "Right now, you should probably just get acquainted with Andrew Devons' history. His kitchen caught fire and the explosion propelled him out of a six story building. You will be working with Torres, of course. You can do your consult and exam tomorrow. He is going to need multiple skin grafts and a full facial reconstruction."

Mark flipped through the pages with a practiced eye, and nodded. "I think I am going to take this back to the hotel, but maybe I could look at the chart before I go?"

Owen nodded. "Sure. I'll walk you down to the Nurses' station."

As they made their way down the hall, Mark commented to Owen, "I have to say, I am sorry I wasn't here to witness you and Yang going public together. I imagine smooth sailing was not a hallmark of your relationship in the beginning."

Owen smiled and rubbed his beard. "That is a very nice way of putting it."

"So you two never got married?"

"No," Owen said, shaking his head. "We like things the way they are. Though, I think, one day we will look at each other and decide to get married and that will be that." Owen's eyes darkened, and for a moment Mark could see the troubled man he used to be, but then they cleared and a wry grin spread across his face. "I think she will probably have to become the head of Cardio first."

Mark laughed. "Well, considering how things worked out, I guess it is a good thing that she was immune to my charms."

"That was one of her best qualities," Owen said dryly.

They both laughed as they reached the station across from the surgical board. Owen went behind the counter and handed Mark the chart. As Mark read through it, Owen's attention was captured by Mark's left hand.

A low whistle escaped his teeth. "Jesus, when did that happen?"

Mark followed his gaze, and looked at Owen with confused eyes. Then he saw what Dr. Hunt was looking at. He opened his mouth to answer when he heard his name being called.

"Mark!"

He turned and smiled at Callie who was suddenly running into his arms. When she reached him, he laughed as she squeezed him tight. "Miss me much, Torres?"

Callie smacked his arm. "Don't make fun of me, I am hormonal."

Mark laughed. "Not quite the greeting I was expecting after four years."

"Please! You think I am going to act any different just because you decided to grace us with you presence?"

Mark smirked. "I missed you too, Callie."

They hugged again, and Callie teared-up.

Mark shook his head at her, and caused her to glare at him.

"I'm pregnant," She said, raising her eyebrow and daring him to comment on her being so emotional.

Mark looked down at her curved belly and smiled. "Yes, you are. When did this happen?"

"You remember Arizona?"

"The attending who kissed you in the dirty bar bathroom?"

Callie rolled her eyes. "Well, we are still together and now we are having a baby together."

Mark grinned. "Good for you." He wanted to ask more details, but Callie's pager went off.

"How long are you going to be here for?" She asked, as she began to walk away backwards.

"Couple of days," Mark said with a shrug.

"Page me later! We'll do Joe's!"

Mark laughed and turned to Owen. "She still goes to Joe's in her condition?"

Owen shook his head. "Please. Like anything could keep my surgeons away from Joe's."

Mark grinned ruefully. "The more things change…" He then closed the chart, and handed it back to the nurse sitting at the desk. "I better go; I have a few phone calls to make."

Owen nodded at him, and walked him over to the elevators. "See Patricia in the morning. She will get you hooked up with a coat, pager, and ID." He then extended his hand. "Good to have you back, Dr. Sloan."

Mark shook his offered hand. "I'll see you tomorrow, Chief." He grinned as he said the last word.

When he stepped onto the empty elevator, Mark allowed his mind to drift.

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_Four Years Earlier… _

"It's over, isn't it?"

It wasn't a question.

Mark tightened his grip on Lexie, as if he could contain her words as well. But she would have none of it.

Lexie climbed off of his lap and turned to face Mark. "Answer me," she said, suddenly sounding much older than her twenty-four years.

Mark rubbed the scruff on his face. "What do you want me to say, Lexie?" He propped his elbows on his knees. "I am going, you're staying."

"So you are going to just give up? Just like that?" Lexie bit her lip, trying to control the emotions which were threatening to spill out of her. "What about…everything? We are good together, Mark. You know that. Yes, the odds are against us, they always were, but we knew that going in. We knew that! We don't have to give up now just because you won't be at Seattle Grace anymore."

He sighed. "Long distance relationships are hard, Little Grey. I mean, it is hard enough without putting extra pressure on it."

"Why does it have to be long distance? You could work at Mercy West. There is no need for you to go far away."

"You know as well as I do that their Plastics department is less than impressive."

"So you make it impressive!"

"Mercy is all about the teaching, and has no room for what I would like to do. Some of my other options would give me the freedom to run my own department."

"Like where?" Lexie asked, cursing herself when her voice trembled.

"New York Presbyterian, Cedars Sinai…to name a few."

Lexie's face twisted in a bitter smile. "But we both know where you're going, don't we? You have wanted to go back to New York from the moment you arrived here. Well, guess what, Mark? Now is your chance."

"Come on, Little Grey," Mark said, reaching out to her. "Don't be like this."

Lexie twisted out of his grasp. "I am not being like anything." She turned and walked to the door. "And don't call me Little Grey. You don't get to call me that anymore."

"Lexie, wait—"

But she was already out the door.

Mark wanted to collapse back into his chair and put his head into his hands, but some masochistic tendency forced him out the door after Lexie. He ran down the hall after her, and just managed to squeeze through the elevator doors as they were closing.

"Don't come in here!" Lexie snapped, turning her face away from him.

"Lexie, please!"

"Please? You are saying please to me now?" Lexie tilted up her chin, trying to put on a brave face. "You don't know the meaning of the word."

Mark's nostrils flared in anger as he looked at the petite siren before him. "You're mad at me, I get it, but I don't deserve that," He snapped.

Lexie crossed her arms, trying to stay angry, but then her face crumpled as she began to weep.

"Little Grey, don't cry," Mark said, moving towards her.

Lexie's head snapped up. "I told you not to call me that!" She said through her tears. "I'm not your Little Grey anymore."

"You will always be my Little Grey," Mark murmured. He then moved forward and took her into his arms allowing Lexie to cry against his chest.

"This isn't fair," Lexie sobbed. "We had a chance. I mean, three percent, but that was worth something, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, Lex," Mark whispered. "It was worth a lot." He cupped her face, trying to force her to lift her eyes to his.

She sniffed, and moved closer to him, comforted by the heat that his body gave off. She then finally lifted her reddened eyes to his clear blue ones and said, "Please don't leave me."

She hated herself for saying it, but she couldn't help it.

Mark pulled her close again and kissed her hair; she settled her head against his chest while her tears silently soaked his shirt.

It seemed that no matter what he did, he was destined to let down the people that he cared about.

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_Present Day…_

When the elevator doors opened, Mark stepped out into the lobby of the hospital. In his mind, began to formulate the reconstruction for the Devons case. Mark pieced together what little he could, but he knew he would have a better idea the next day when he saw the patient.

Mark strode across the lobby, his promise to Callie long forgotten. But as he walked across the cold floor, he felt as if someone was watching him. He stopped in his tracks, and looked over to see Derek and Meredith on the far side of the lobby. They were both looking right at him.

Mark was tempted to head in their direction, or to nod in acknowledgment. But something stopped him.

He wasn't that guy anymore. He wasn't the best friend who had to have Derek's approval and input on every area of his life. And he certainly wasn't the man who came all the way to Seattle to get his best friend back.

As Mark looked at Derek, he wondered about all he had missed. He wondered about the wedding that must have happened by now, and the kids that inevitably followed. He wondered about Carolyn, and Derek's many sisters. He wondered about the family he had cut himself off from, and whether it had changed in his absence.

Derek didn't look any different. His hair had a little more grey, but then, so did Mark's. Other than that, he looked like _Derek_, which was comforting to him.

Mark allowed himself a second. One second wherein the past was gone, and he could pretend they were still best friends.

But then the second was over.

Mark broke his gaze, flipped up the collar of his coat and turned towards the doors.

Some things were just better left in the past.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped out into the cool Seattle night.

TBC

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**Review, Please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello All! Thank you for all your wonderful comments! Many of you have made some great guesses! Here is the next chapter, as promised I update fast when I get reviews. I hope you enjoy, and I am sure this will add many more questions to the story.**

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Once Mark returned to the hotel, he could feel the day's tension begin to gather at the base of his skull. In some respects, he had not anticipated just how hard it would be to return to Seattle Grace after all this time. So much of who he was no longer fit with the man he had been when he had worked within the walls of that hospital. It made Mark wince when he thought of that now; how shallow and petty he had been back then, but also naive as well. Mark would never have used that word to describe himself, but it had been true. He had known nothing of love, nothing of commitment. Until…

Mark groaned and clutched his head as down on the bed, his coat still on. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. When he had left Seattle last time, he had sworn that he would put the past behind him.

There was no point in remembering something that didn't matter anymore.

He stood again and tossed his key card down on the side table. Afterwards, Mark pulled his wallet and phone out of his pocket and took off his coat. He then raised his arms above his head and stretched his muscles, one by one. Soon, he collapsed back onto the bed and stared at the crown molding on the ceiling. As he laid there, the exhaustion he had been feeling the entire day began to relax his body and soon, he closed his eyes.

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_Four Years Earlier…_

Lexie rushed around Mark's hotel room, putting the last of his toiletries into his suitcase. She then took a hospital towel and wiped down the counter.

"What are you doing, Lex?" Mark asked, leaning in the doorway of the bathroom.

"Wiping the counter."

"Why?"

Lexie turned to look at him with a puzzled expression on her face, as if she was surprised to see him standing there. "Because you are leaving and it is not nice to leave a mess for housekeeping."

"So you are cleaning."

"I'm cleaning," She repeated.

"You are cleaning a hotel room that costs five hundred dollars a night, and that has a maid who probably makes more than you do."

Lexie ignored him, and continued to wipe the counter.

"Lex, stop!" Mark finally said, coming to stand behind her. He grabbed her wrists, and forced her to still them. "Can we talk about this, at least?"

Her back sagged, as if the cleaning had been the only thing holding her upright. In the mirror, her vacant eyes met his, "Please, don't make me. Can't we just forget? For…like a moment, just a moment? I need to believe that it is all going to be alright; that this isn't the end of the best thing that ever happened to me." Her eyes were filled with such despair, that they left Mark feeling completely unequipped to deal with it. "So I am cleaning. I am cleaning, and hoping, and praying, and I am trying to forget that in an hour you are going to walk out the door of this hotel room and I am never going to see you again."

Mark removed his hands from her wrists, and wrapped them around her torso. He then leaned over and kissed on of her shoulders. "Okay, Little Grey."

Lexie squeezed her eyes shut. "If we just wait, it will happen."

He frowned. "What will happen?"

She opened her eyes, and looked at him with a hopeful type of faith. "Derek will call, and this will have all been a bad dream."

"Lexie," Mark said softly.

"It will," She continued. "I know Derek, and I know that he would never really want you to leave. This is all a mistake, and any moment that phone will ring and everything will be alright. And we will laugh about how silly and dramatic we were, and we will fall into your bed, and you will kiss me and tell me that it will all be fine. And I will cry, and feel silly, and we will forget." Tears filled her eyes again, and Mark sadly realized that she didn't believe a word she was saying.

He kissed the top of her head and tried to give a convincing smile. "You are right, Lexie," Mark said, meeting her eyes in the mirror, "Derek will call any minute. He will call, apologize for being an ass, and I will take you to bed. And we will stay there until the sun comes up and Richard calls begging me to come back to the hospital. And it will all be fine."

A sob escaped her throat. "Liar."

He laughed bitterly and squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could block out the look of betrayal on her face.

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_Present Day…_

Mark jerked awake to the ringing of his cell phone. He rubbed his temples and walked over to the table where he had left it.

"Hello?"

"Sloan?! Why didn't you page me? I got out of work like an hour ago!"

Mark smiled at the sound of Callie's voice. "Sorry, kid, I forgot. I came back to the hotel and fell asleep."

"Jeez, you're getting old," Callie said with a laugh.

"Hey, now," Mark grumbled. "It was a long flight and I had to sit next to a screaming baby the whole time."

"Excuses, excuses," Callie said. "Listen, I am sitting here with my fabulous girlfriend and she wants to meet you properly. Come and meet us at Joe's."

"I don't know…" Mark said, looking at his watch. It was already nine on the East Coast, and Mark still needed to make a phone call.

"Come on, Grandpa! Live a little!"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Fine," He said into the phone. "I'll be there in fifteen."

"Fifteen minutes? The hotel is right across the street from the bar!"

"Fifteen minutes, Callie," Mark said.

"You can't see it, but I am sticking my tongue out at you."

"Mature," Mark said, before hanging up the phone. He smiled to himself at the friendly camaraderie that he and Callie had easily slipped back into.

He then checked his watch again, pulled up his number one contact on his phone, and let it ring. When he got voicemail, Mark said, "Hey, it's me. I arrived safely and everything is okay. I know you said you were going out with Lindsay tonight, but I wanted to call, just in case. Look, I know that you are worried, but everything is going to be okay. I am just going to perform the surgery and then I am coming home. There is nothing to worry about. Nothing is going to change. Call me tomorrow. Bye."

Once he closed his phone, Mark stood and walked over to the closet, where his clothes had been hung and pressed since he dropped off his suitcase at the hotel earlier. Mark changed his shirt, and then grabbed his coat and his wallet on the way out the door.

When he reached the bar, Mark took a deep breath as he pushed the door open. As his eyes adjusted to the dim glow, he shook his head. Nothing had changed. The Emerald City Bar looked exactly the same way it had four years ago. Mark could practically see Lexie sitting at the bar, reciting the periodic table to him with a grin upon her face.

He smiled to himself and then looked around.

"Mark!"

He turned at the sound of his name, and saw Cristina, Callie, and who he could only assume was Callie's girlfriend sitting in a booth in the corner. He waved, and then detoured to the bar for a scotch.

Joe was standing there, cleaning glasses, when he looked up and saw Mark. "Dr. Sloan!" He exclaimed, his face full of surprise. "You're back!"

"Hey, Joe," Mark said. "Good to see you."

"You too," Joe said. "Your usual?"

Mark nodded, and wondered how Joe could possibly remember his order after all this time.

Joe placed his drink in front of them, and Mark smirked. "You remembered."

"Drinks are my thing," Joe said. "You back for good?"

"Just visiting for a surgery," Mark replied.

"Well, good luck."

Mark nodded his thanks, and headed over to the corner where the women were sitting. "Aw, three beautiful women. My favorite kind of table."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Arizona Robbins, this is Mark Sloan."

Mark shook her hand with a charming smile. "I am sorry we never had a chance to meet before I left."

"Hey, now," Callie said with a frown.

"At ease, Torres," Mark said as he dropped Arizona's hand.

Arizona smiled at Callie and patted her hand.

"So Yang," Mark said. "I hear you are doing the Chief. Good for you."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, we are all puppies, hearts, and smiley faces. Whatever."

Mark grinned.

"So, what are you doing back here, Dr. Sloan?" Arizona asked. "You work in New York now, right?"

He nodded. "New York Presbyterian, and I came back to do a facial reconstruction."

"The Devons case," Callie murmured to her.

Arizona nodded, having heard about the patient from Callie. "Well, I am sure your help will be appreciated."

Mark decided then that he liked Arizona. She was exactly what Callie needed. There was a calm about her which must be attractive to his friend.

"So you said you are going to be here for a few days," Callie said. "Any way I can persuade you to stay longer?"

"Nope," Mark said with a smirk. "One facial reconstruction and then I am on the next plane back to New York."

"Why?" Callie whined. "You should stay." Her eyes then lit up. "You could probably get your old job back now that Owen is the Chief. I bet he would tell Shepherd where to stick it!"

Cristina snorted into her drink, causing Mark to smile at her.

"Sorry, Torres," Mark said. "Nothing could keep me in Seattle."

"But I am going to have a baby! She will need dirty Uncle Mark to protect her!"

Mark laughed. "You flatter me. As tempting as that sounds…"

"Please!" Callie said, holding her hands together and pouting her lips.

"Well, now that I have thought about it," Mark began.

"Yes?" Callie asked hopefully.

"No," Mark replied with a grin, causing her to frown.

"You are no fun."

"Nope, no fun at all," Mark said with a grin. "I am an old man now."

Callie rolled her eyes at him.

"So tell me about the baby," Mark said. "How far along are you?"

Callie's face began to glow. "Five months. It's a girl."

"And the male contribution to this miracle came from?" Mark asked.

"A poor medical student with a good family history and blue eyes," Arizona said with a laugh.

Mark laughed along with them, but then grew quiet as the conversation began to flow around him. So much had happened, so much had been missed. Mark knew that he had made the right decision when he had returned to New York, but it hurt to think of the people he had left behind. One in particular.

He pulled himself out of his dark thoughts and smiled at his friend. "Alright ladies, I am going to call it a night."

"Why?" Callie asked. "It is only nine o'clock."

"Yeah, well I am still three hours ahead." Mark said. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."

"You mean when you decided to permanently return to Seattle Grace."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Good night, Callie." He then nodded at Cristina and Arizona before leaving the bar.

Callie looked dejected after he left. "I can't believe he is so against coming back to Seattle Grace. What is so great about New York?"

Arizona smiled at Callie. "Don't take it personally, Calliope. I am sure he is just eager to get home to his wife."

Two heads whipped in her direction.

Cristina and Callie looked at her as if she was crazy.

Callie finally sputtered, "Mark? A wife? Mark Sloan?"

"McSteamy? Married?" Cristina snorted.

"What on earth would give you that crazy idea?" Callie asked.

Arizona looked back and forth between them in confusion. "The fact that he was wearing a wedding ring."

TBC

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**Let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I must say that I have been truly overwhelmed by the response to this story. You all seem to be intrigued by the mystery, and that is very gratifying to me. I am very lucky to have you all as readers. Thanks for the reviews, they have been great. Don't worry. I won't steer this story wrong, I promise. Also, I wanted to comment on the confrontation in this chapter. I know I said no more Derek bashing, and I meant it. Both Mark and Derek are in a bad place as far as their friendship is concerned, and it is coming out in what they say. Please don't think I hate Derek, cause I don't. Anyway... on with the chapter!  
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Mark groaned as the alarm went off the next morning. He had tossed and turned for hours, which he attributed to being in a strange bed all alone. Though rest seemed to allude him, he had finally fallen into a dreamless sleep around three in the morning.

When he sat up, Mark picked up his phone from the side table. He saw that there were no messages, and frowned. Why hadn't she called him yet?

Mark tried to push his worry away, and shrugged it off. She probably hadn't received his message yet. He stood up, stretched, and headed into the bathroom. He turned the water on to scalding hot, letting the steam fog up the bathroom. Stripping off his shirt and boxers, Mark stepped under the hot spray. The water beat down on his skin, and Mark allowed his mind to blank out, to think about the day ahead of him.

When he was done in the bathroom, Mark dressed and thought about how odd it was to have such utter silence in the mornings. He was used to the bustle and hum of his New York home waking up for the day: the smell of coffee in the air, the low sound of the TV in the den, and the echo of gentle and happy laughter in the kitchen. Mark wondered, not for the first time, why he was punishing himself this way. He suddenly felt a fierce stab of longing for home. _Soon_, he promised himself as he left the hotel room.

The hospital was empty when he entered it, which was a welcome relief. Mark didn't wish to see more curious stares and pointed looks.

After a brief stop with Patricia, Dr. Mark Sloan was officially cleared to work at Seattle Grace. Mark went into the Attendings' lounge where he put away his valuable items and changed into his scrubs, put on his coat, and clipped his temporary badge to the pocket. Leaving the room, he headed straight to the nurses station and retrieved Andrew Devons' chart.

"Hey," Callie said, coming up to stand next to him.

He grunted in response.

"Haven't had your daily cappuccino, yet?" Callie asked.

Mark shook his head.

"HEY!" Callie suddenly yelled, stopping a passing intern in his tracks. "Get Dr. Sloan here a cappuccino and a blueberry scone!"

As the intern rushed away, Mark turned to Callie with a smile. "Bless you."

She shrugged. "I know how you work."

When he finally had his hot beverage and food in hand, Mark and Callie headed off down the hall. They walked together towards Andrew Devons' room, with Callie carrying the chart under her arm.

"So…" Callie began.

"So, what?"

"So… Arizona said the funniest thing last night," Callie said. She absently rubbed the side of her distended stomach as she spoke, "She seemed to think…that you were…married!"

Mark looked at Callie with a bemused expression on his face. "Where would she get that idea?"

"She said you were wearing a wedding ring," Callie responded, darting a look at his left hand which had no ring on it.

"Hmm," Mark said, rubbing his beard. "That is strange." He opened the door to Andrew Devons' room as a resident and his interns came in as well.

Callie turned to the resident. "Dr. Daniels, present please." As the doctor presented the case, Callie leaned over and hissed, "You wouldn't have gotten married without telling me, right? You're not that cruel are you?"

"Focus on the medicine," Mark said with a smile. He then turned to the patient. "Mr. Devons, I am Dr. Sloan. I will be performing the facial reconstruction on you."

The patient, though covered with bandages, said, "I hear you are the best."

Mark smiled. "Don't worry; you will be better in no time. Now, due to the severity of your case, I shall be performing the reconstruction contingent on Dr. Torres' surgery with you later today. We shall see how you respond and if you are ready for another surgery tomorrow." Mark answered the patients many questions and quizzed the interns as he did so. Callie was amazed that he didn't seem to enjoy tormenting them as he once had. After they were done, Mark turned to Callie. "I also understand that he just had spinal surgery as well. Who preformed that?"

"I did," Derek said, coming into the room. "Sorry I am late everyone. How are you doing, Andrew?" He asked the patient with a sympathetic smile. He then had an intern assist him in checking the patient's dressings.

Derek didn't even look at him.

Mark gritted his teeth, thinking there were one or two things that Owen had left out. The calm that he had felt when he had seen Derek the previous night was gone now, and in it's place was an anger and a hurt he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Mr. Devons, I will see you in surgery." He then cleared his throat and left the room.

"Mark!" Callie called, following after him. "Wait!" She ran to catch up with him. "You never told me if it is true. About the ring."

A bleak look came over Mark's face as he looked down the hall towards the patient's room. "The only thing that's true is that…I never should have come back here."

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_Four Years Earlier…_

"Well, that's the last of it," Mark said, closing up his suitcase. He looked over to see Lexie sitting dejectedly on the bed, her knees squeezed tight to her chest. He had to stop himself from going to her, knowing it would only make things harder. Instead of reaching for her, he crossed his arms awkwardly. "This doesn't have to be goodbye, you know," Mark said. "We could talk…sometimes. You could call me."

"Don't," Lexie said. "Don't bother. I think it is utterly impossible to make me feel better right now."

Mark smiled sadly. "I can try."

Lexie's eyes began to water again.

"Don't, please don't," Mark said, coming to sit by her on the bed. Against her murmuring protestations, he took her in his arms. "I hate it when you cry."

"Then stop making me cry," Lexie said, pressing her face to the side of his neck.

Mark chuckled. "I wish it were that simple."

"It is that simple," Lexie said. She then looked up at him, her eyes imploring him. "Neither of us has to be lonely, Mark. We could be together."

"Lex, I'm leaving—"

"I could come too," She said.

Mark was utterly silent, looking at her with a mixture of hope and sadness. "No, Little Grey. You can't."

"I could," Lexie protested. "I want to. I lived in Boston once; I could live in New York. It could work; we could make it work."

"And what about your career?" Mark said, standing up as frustration filled his voice. "Are you just going to throw that away?"

"I'll do my intern year over," Lexie said calmly.

"And your family? What about them?" Mark crossed his arms. "You just going to leave them all behind too? Your father? Molly and the baby? Meredith?"

"None of that matters," Lexie said.

"It damn well does matter," Mark said, his voice filled with anger.

"Why are you getting mad at me?" Lexie asked, confusion and hurt filling her voice.

"Because you are offering me something that can never be mine." Mark's chest heaved as he looked at her. "Don't you see, Lex? You are just making it that much harder. I want you; I want you so badly, but you can never be with me. You and I were _never_ meant to be together. We were just one of those fucked up accidents that the universe throws our way every now and then. It was wonderful, all of it…but it's over."

Lexie clenched her fists in anger. "How can you do this? How can you just throw it all away? Throw us away?"

"Do you think this is easy for me?" Mark asked, his eyes full of feeling. "Do you think I wanted this to happen? God, you are looking at me like I planned on this!"

"I don't think you planned on it, Mark," Lexie said, venom filling her voice. "But I think you were given an out…and you've decided to take it."

All expression left his face. "Think what you want."

Lexie shook her head and looked away. She walked over to the window and looked out at the Seattle skyline. If she looked in the right direction, she could see Puget Sound in the distance. When she spoke, her voice was hollow, "I hope you don't think that I will wait for you…because I won't."

She received no answer.

When she turned around, Mark was gone.

* * *

_Present Day…_

When Mark reached the lounge, his hands were shaking. He wished he could chalk it up to nerves and leave it at that. But this was more. Being in this place…like nothing had changed, he could hardly bear it.

Walking over to his locker, Mark pulled out his wallet and took a platinum band out of the hidden flap. He had taken it off earlier because he never wore it when he was going into surgery, but he felt naked without it. Mark squeezed his hand around it, as if he could absorb it into his skin through wishing alone. Mark could remember the exact way he had felt when his wife had slid the ring onto his finger. He had been calm, and utter happiness had filled him. But there was something missing, they had both known that.

Mark realized now that he hadn't taken this case as a favor to Owen. No, this was much less altruistic. He had come back here to face the past; to face what had happened all those years ago. To let it all go. Until he did that, Mark knew he could never be truly happy.

"I was wondering if you would come back."

Mark turned to see Derek standing in the doorway.

His former best friend continued, "When Owen mentioned your name, I told him not to waste his time. I told him about all those times Richard had offered you your job back, and all the times that you turned him down." Derek's eyes were guarded, and yet there seemed to be some hurt behind those words. As if _he_ was the injured party. "I told him about all the times I had tried calling you, about all the times I sent letters. Hell, I even told him about the time I went to New York to see you and you slammed the door in my face. I told him that you wanted nothing to do with me, and nothing to do with Seattle Grace. And yet, here you are."

Mark looked at him steadily, but said nothing.

"Why did you come back, Mark? Now…after all this time? I tried to get in touch with you for years and…nothing. Why now?"

Mark squeezed his fist around the ring and shrugged. "I owed the Chief. Owen was good to me…back then. Wanted to repay the favor."

"Bullshit," Derek said. "You have never been self-sacrificing, Mark. What is the _real_ reason you came back?"

Mark glared at him. "Think what you want, Derek. You always have. But don't think for a moment that you know me, or what I do and don't do." Mark didn't know where his anger was coming from, but he dimly wondered if this was why he had come back. To say these words.

"I have known you since we were kids—"

"Yeah, known," Mark interrupted. "As in the past tense. You and I are nothing more than strangers now, Shepherd."

"That's not true," Derek said, his eyes clouding over with hurt. "Look, I know that what I did was wrong. You have to believe me…I regret it. Very much."

Mark shrugged. "You did what you always do. You pushed me away because I 'betrayed' you, in your mind anyway. It's what you always have done. You did it all those years ago with me and Addison, and you did it again with me and…" Mark trailed off.

"With Lexie," Derek finished.

Mark sighed, looking away.

"Do you even care?"

Mark's head snapped up. "What do you mean?"

"Do you even care what happened to her?" Derek asked. "You haven't asked, and you sure as hell haven't been in touch with Meredith over the years. Do you even care what you did to her?"

Mark looked at Derek as if he had lost his mind. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You should have seen her after you left," Derek commented. "She could hardly get any work done, and her eyes were red from crying all the time. She just seemed to fade away." Derek smiled bitterly. "But I guess you don't care. After all, you were the one who left."

Mark started to laugh. "You are judging me? Oh, that is just fucking rich! As if you have any right at all. You know nothing about me and Lexie, and you certainly don't know what happened to us back then, you arrogant prick. Let me remind you that you were the one who set everything in motion! You were the one who made my leaving Seattle a certainty. If you hadn't had your little temper tantrum, nothing would have happened that way. Nothing!"

"Oh, screw you, Mark," Derek said. "I was trying to protect her from the inevitable broken heart that I knew you would give her. And guess what? I was right! You did break her heart, just like I knew you would."

"You don't know what the fuck you are talking about," Mark growled. "Get the hell out of here."

"She has a kid, you know," Derek said, as he turned to go. "And she is living in Boston, doing her residency at Massachusetts General. I heard she is happy now. Happy without you. Guess you did her a favor when you left."

Mark squeezed his eyes shut, longing to slam his fist into Derek's face. He refrained, and turned. Slowly, he bit off, "It's like I said. You don't know what the fuck you are talking about."

Derek glared and left the room.

Once he was gone, Mark shoved the wedding ring back onto his finger.

Back where it belonged.

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**Review please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, I must say that the reviews I am getting for this story are almost as much fun as writing the story itself. Half of you are convinced of one conclusion, half of you another. But the ways and the clues you are using to get to your conclusions are just wonderful. I am trying to update this as much as possible, and knowing the interest definitely helps. Please continue to review and let me know how I am doing. I might not have a chance to respond, but I read each and every review and take all suggestions into consideration.**

**Side note: Wasn't last night's episode amazing? Mark and Lexie are becoming the most stable couple on the show, and I love to see the way they treat each other. They are partners! "I'll take the right side, you take the left." So lovely! I also added in a small line that references last night's amazing comment by Lexie. See if you can find it! Anyway, on with the chapter...**

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His anger evaporated as he sat down heavily the nearest available chair. He couldn't do this; Mark thought he would have been able to come back and face old ghosts, but this was just not possible. What had he been thinking? His wife had been right. Mark squeezed his eyes shut as he thought about the fight they had before he left. She had been so convinced that him coming to Seattle was a bad idea…but he had ignored her. Guilt ate Mark at the thought now. She had known better. She had known _him_ better…better than he knew himself.

Mark knew that he was a man that thrived on sense. Sensible conclusions to the problems that he had. It was very rare that he acted on his feelings. He had only ever done that with one person…He stopped himself and tried to clear his mind. Mark closed his eyes and tried to figure out where to go from here. He knew where he wanted to go: home. But he also knew that there was no point in returning without doing what he had come to Seattle Grace to do.

He just needed to focus. Without focus, well, there would be no sense in this at all.

He took deep breaths, trying to shake it off the anger coursing through his veins at the thought of Derek.

"Hey."

Mark turned to see Callie. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Hey."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just had a run-in with Shepherd."

Callie came into the room and sat across from him. "I thought that might happen. What did you say?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Threats, accusations."

Callie grinned. "You talk a good game, but I know you must have missed him."

"Please," Mark said disdainfully. "Whatever claim to friendship we had ended a long time ago."

"Now, I know that is not true," Callie said. "For you…or for him."

Mark rolled his eyes.

"I am telling the truth." Her eyes were sincere as she looked at him. "Derek has missed you for a long time, Mark."

He scoffed.

"Why else would he tell Owen to call you for this case?"

Mark's head snapped up. "What do you mean?"

"You think you are the only Plastic surgeon in the country who could handle this case? There are probably about ten of you, and odds are that nine of them live in LA. Derek wanted to see you, Mark."

"Yeah, he is the regular welcoming committee."

"He didn't know you were coming. He asked Owen to do it, but he didn't know it had happened. I think he must have been as shocked as hell when he saw you. And maybe a little hurt that you didn't seek him out right away."

"Him? Like he has a right to be hurt about anything," Mark spat.

"What the hell happened back then?" Callie asked. "Help me to understand. Because the only story that anyone knows is the one that was rumored among the nurses. Why did you leave?"

"Derek didn't want to work with me anymore, and the Chief suggested I leave." Mark sighed. "That is an overly simplified version anyway."

Callie nodded, but her brown eyes still looked troubled. She took a breath, then said, "And Grey? What happened between the two of you?"

Mark rubbed his hands over his face. "It's not important."

"Really?" Callie asked, a dubious expression on her face. "Because, after you left…she was a wreck, Mark. Like a total wreck. She quit the program later, did you know that? She told Meredith she was going back to Boston, and she just left." Callie looked down at her hands. "I don't think she has even talked to her own sister for years."

"Really?" Mark asked, his voice trying to convey a disinterested tone.

"Yeah. What happened between the two of you? Did Derek come in the middle? Is that why you left?"

Mark shook his head. "I was leaving…" He hedged. "We agreed that it made sense to end it. We couldn't…long distance doesn't work, you know?"

Callie tilted her head as she looked at him, confusion written on every feature. "Why would you do that, Mark? Why did you break up with her? There must have been some solution besides breaking up. I mean, jeez, I know how in love with her you were."

She paused after she said those words. She studied her friend, amazed at the fact that Mark could not meet her eyes. He was staring at his hands and absently twisting the now present wedding band on his finger.

Callie cocked her head to the side, a thought suddenly occurring to her which she felt compelled to voice. "Or maybe…still are. Mark, are you still in love with Lexie Grey?"

To Callie's surprise, Mark squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head.

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_Four Years Earlier…_

"Mark! Mark, wait!"

He heard his name being called as he stood on the curb in front of the hotel waiting for the valet. Turning, Mark saw Lexie running towards him as fast as she could.

"Wait!" She called again, panting as she came running up.

He took a deep breath. "Lexie, don't do this," He whispered. "Whatever you have to say is only going to prolong the inevitable. I am leaving…you're not. I know that this is hard and that this isn't what we wanted, but we both have to accept—"

"Shut up," Lexie said, her brown eyes shining. She then laughed. "I can't believe I just said that, but it is fitting, isn't it? Because that night, that surgery, that was how this all began. That was how you and me began. I told you to shut up, and you laughed. I knew then…I knew it, Mark!"

"What did you know?" He asked hoarsely.

"I knew that there was something more to you. Something that almost no one got to see. I knew that you were special, and that despite you thinking that I was pathetic, I knew you were a good man."

"Little Grey—"

Lexie held up her hand. "Don't. It is my turn to speak." She took a deep breath, and continued, "You pushed me away; I can see that now. You tried to minimize me; you gave me a cute nickname and told yourself that I was off limits. You put me in the role of Derek's sister, as if by doing so you could rationalize away your feelings towards me and compare them to how you felt about all of Derek's sisters. I became small in your eyes."

"That's not tr—"

Lexie continued on as if she hadn't heard him. "But it is okay. It was the good kind of small. It was the kind you save for when you care about someone, like really care about someone. You were trying to protect me. Protect me from you, for whatever reason. But then Mark, and I don't know why, but you let me in. You let me in to your carefully constructed world and you allowed me to see everything that you kept hidden. And I got a chance to know you.

"These past three months…" Her voice trailed off. "God, Mark, they have been so amazing. I thought at first that it was just because you were so good, and I wanted so badly to care for you, but that wasn't it at all." Her eyes were shining, and she took a step forward. "I fell in love with you, Mark."

He gaped at her, but said nothing.

"And you need to know it. Remember when we first became friends? When you used to tease me about George? It is so silly now, when I think back to that time. When I think back to how I felt for him. It was nothing. I built it up completely in my head, but it felt similar to all the other previous relationships that I had, so I went with it. But you Mark, God, it is so different. Everything about me screams that I love you. I feel better when you are near, and I feel sick when we are apart. What we have is beautiful." She was smiling now as she said every word, as if a huge weight had been lifted from her heart. "When I heard you were in the fight with Dr. Shepherd…you have no idea how long those moments were as I rushed to the exam room to see you. It felt like I was about to die inside."

She reached out and cupped his face in her hand. "You once told me that if you like someone, you let them know. That life is too short. Well, life _is_ too short Mark, and I love you. So if you go now and get on that plane, it will all be okay for me, because I love you…and now you know it."

Lexie's face conveyed every emotion that she had ever felt, and Mark felt humbled to even be near her.

He wanted to say it. He wanted to tell her…but something held him back. Mark knew that to tell her that he loved her now would be completely unfair.

He was leaving…and she wasn't.

For all his jaded cynicism, and for all his sarcasm and disdain of humans in general, Mark knew that there was something pure about Lexie. Something good, full of trust and belief. And he couldn't bear to take that from her. Because if he told her that he loved her, and got on that plane, Lexie would never trust anyone again. She would never love anyone again. And he could not take that from her.

So he said nothing.

He forced down every instinct and impulse that was screaming at him, and strained himself to stay silent.

She had once asked him to teach her, but he refused to be the one who taught her about the hurtful torture of loving and leaving.

So instead of saying the words, Mark pulled her body to his and kissed her as if his entire life depended on it. He dragged his lips back and forth across hers, begging her to understand, begging her to believe that she was not alone.

To believe that he would remember her.

When he pulled away, tears were shining in her eyes.

Lexie wasn't stupid; she figured it out.

It was a goodbye kiss.

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_Present Day…_

"You still love her, don't you?" Callie asked. When she received no answer, she shook her head. "My God. You idiot!"

Mark snapped his head up, looking at her in surprise.

"How could you let her go? How?!" Callie was near to yelling as she stood up and began to pace.

"Look Callie," Mark said. "You don't know the full story. Everything that happened back then…it's complicated."

"So simplify it."

"You wouldn't understand," Mark said, standing.

"Is this about your marriage?"

Mark turned to look at her with surprise on his face.

"You are wearing it," Callie said. "The phantom ring which seems to disappear and reappear at will."

Mark looked down at his hand and sighed. "Like I said, it's complicated." He sat back down, and rested his elbows on his knees. He looked at Callie, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but what I did to Lexie…that was the worst. And the best…I don't know. Back then, before Derek…we were together for three months. Three months, and they were the best of my life. I mean, you know this…you were there and…I wonder if you know just how much I felt for her. I didn't just love her Callie. I was _madly_ in love with her. I would have done anything to make her happy. For the first time in my life, I was in a committed relationship and I was totally happy. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be with her…"

His voice trailed off, but Callie said nothing. Mark closed his eyes, trying to find a way to explain it to his friend. Even thinking about how he felt about Lexie back then was painful. Not because of the feelings which were still so strong and present, but because of what followed.

"When the Chief told me…well, I thought that was it, you know? I mean, long distance _never_ works. Not for me, not for anyone. But Lexie didn't think that way. She wanted to keep trying. She wanted to still be apart of my life. She was sad and hurting and she wanted me to stay."

Mark laughed quietly to himself. "She even offered to come with me."

Callie's eyes widened in surprise.

He nodded. "Yeah, that is what I thought too. I couldn't believe that she wanted to put her entire life on hold for me. I mean, at that point she had no commitment from me, no promise that I would love her or anything. But she still wanted to come with me."

"She loved you."

"Yeah," Mark said. "She did. And I totally blew it. Instead of telling her that I loved her, instead of finding a way to make it work…I left. I went back New York and I tried to live my life without her."

Callie stared at her friend with empathy. She could hardly understand what had compelled him to give up the woman that he loved, but she was not terribly surprised. Mark was nothing, if not consistent. And self-destructive behavior from him was no surprise. She sighed, and opened her mouth to speak when she could have sworn she heard Mark whispering to himself.

"I tried to live my life without her…but I couldn't."

TBC

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**Please Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, this chapter is dedicated to the wonderful girls over at fanforum. You guys are totally awesome, and ever encouraging. Plus, you guys are the best publicists a girl could ask for. I know many of you are anxious to know the answers to this fic, and I can only say: patience. The answers are coming, I promise. Thank you for all the reviews, you guys are very good at catching small details. **

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Though Callie pried, Mark would say no more. She tried to get him to continue, but it seemed Mark had said all he was going to. Eventually, she was able to drag him out of the lounge and to the cafeteria. After they had gotten their food and sat, Mark looked around.

"Nothing has changed," He commented, taking a bite of his Caesar salad.

Callie looked around as well, and then said, "Nope. Still boring old Seattle Grace."

Mark laughed a bit, and then took another bite. He was about to respond when he saw Alex Karev enter the lunchroom. Mark whistled low through his teeth. "Jesus, he looks different."

Callie looked up, then nodded. "Yeah, he hasn't been the same since…"

"Since Izzie Stevens died," Mark finished.

She nodded again. "Afterward, he just threw himself into work…and he never stopped. Alex practically lives at the hospital now. He bought Meredith's house from her, you know, but as far as I can tell he almost never goes home." Callie sighed. "He is the best, though. Chief Webber was concerned that he wasn't going to be able to work, but Alex just became that much more dedicated. I think he is a surgeon first now, human second."

Mark felt a deep empathy with the younger man. He had once been at that point as well. Who knows what would have happened if… Mark looked at the man who had once so badly wanted to go into Plastics and sighed. Alex's hair looked much like Mark's, full of salt and pepper. But there were lines on his face and under his eyes which didn't match Mark's. He looked much older than he should. "Isn't there something his friends can do for him?"

Callie snorted. "What friends?"

Mark frowned. "You know, the ones who were in the same year as him. Yang, Grey…"

"Things aren't the same anymore, Mark," Callie said. "Yang is busy being a Cardio god, and even if she wasn't…she has the Chief."

"What about Meredith?" Mark asked.

"Oh, please. Like she could escape from whatever drama she is having with Shepherd long enough to care." She sighed. "That's not fair. Of all the hospital, she does the most for Alex, but…She is just busy, you know?"

"What?" Mark asked. "Do Derek and Meredith have a bunch of mini-thems running around?"

Callie shook her head. "No, to do that Derek that would probably require them getting married first."

Mark gaped at her. "They still aren't married?"

"Nope," Callie said. "Though they have had a couple of failed attempts."

Mark sighed. "Are you saying they have been miserable…all this time?"

"No," Callie said. "They have been happy, but both of them are so broken. It is like they have been sleepwalking. But I think they are happy, for them at least."

"I am just glad that you are okay," Mark said to Callie. "I don't know what I would have done if I came back and found you still longing and pinning over Arizona."

Callie laughed. "Oh, I long, but I have her as well."

Mark grinned at her, his eyes soft and warm.

"You're different," Callie commented.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…that four years ago, you wouldn't have given a shit about Alex Karev. He wouldn't have even been on your radar. And the state of Meredith's relationship would have been boring to you. But now, you…"

Mark shifted uncomfortably. "Things change, Callie."

"True," She said. "Trite…but true."

Mark's pager went off. "Gotta go, kid," He said.

"Where?"

"To see the Chief," Mark replied, standing.

"Why?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "I don't remember you being this nosy," He called over his shoulder as he walked away.

"That's because you are getting old!" Callie yelled after him.

He chuckled, and left the cafeteria. When Mark reached the Chief's office, he knocked on the door. After he opened it, he found Owen sitting behind his desk while talking to Derek.

"Ah, Mark," Owen said. "Come in." Once Mark was seated, the Chief said, "You both requested to speak with me separately, so I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. What is the problem?"

Mark could feel his annoyance returning as he thought of the conversation he had with Derek earlier. "I can't work with him," Mark said. "And I was never informed that I had to."

"You can't work with me?" Derek asked. "We had to be in the same room for five minutes. That is hardly working together."

"And yet, the thought of that four years ago was enough for you to go running to the Chief," Mark said sarcastically.

"It's not the same thing," Derek protested.

"It is the same," Mark said. He then turned to Owen. "After Dr. Torres' surgery, I want to start as soon as possible so I can be on the next plane back to New York."

"So what? This was just a stopover for you?" Derek asked.

Mark didn't look at him or bother to answer.

"Dr. Sloan," Owen began, "I very much doubt you will have to work with Dr. Shepherd again."

"Thank you," Mark said, standing. "Are we done here?"

Owen nodded, and Mark left the room without a glance to his former best friend.

After he left the Chief's office, Mark headed down the hall when he heard, "Mark! Wait!"

Mark sighed, and waited for Derek to catch up with him.

"What?" He snapped, when Derek was in front of him.

"You are just leaving again? Just like that?"

Mark frowned. "Yeah, of course. I have a life back in New York."

"But…" Derek trailed off. "You didn't come here for me, did you?"

Mark looked at him incredulously. "No, Derek, I didn't. I came for the case."

Derek nodded, his eyes suddenly sad and lost.

"I came to Seattle for you once," Mark blurted out. "I lived in a city that I hated for a year and a half all because I wanted your friendship again. You were my brother, and that was all that mattered. But you threw it all away…twice."

"I was mad," Derek said.

"You were a lot of things back then, Derek. The last time I spoke to you in this hospital back then, you put a fist into my face."

"You lied to me."

"Yeah, I did," Mark conceded. "But I didn't regret it back then, and I certainly don't regret it now."

Derek shook his head, a small but ugly smile playing about his mouth. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Divorce yourself from normal human emotions…like guilt."

Mark felt anger begin to feel him again. "No. You don't get to judge me. Not now, Derek, not ever. You were my brother and you essentially got me fired. I lost the woman I…because of you. You took a wrecking ball to my life back then."

"I was mad," Derek repeated.

"You were my _best_ friend, and you went and threw it all away because you were _mad_? I don't think I could ever possibly express just how much I hate what you did."

"And I regret that," Derek said.

Mark started to laugh. "You ruined everything and you…you _regret_ it?"

"Is this about Lexie?" Derek asked.

"What?"

"I could get a hold of her," Derek offered.

"What are you even talking about?" Mark asked.

"Meredith hasn't talked to her in a couple of years, but I am sure that she could track her down," Derek said.

"And why would Meredith do that?"

"Cause maybe you need to talk to her and…I don't know." Derek sliced his fingers through his hair. "I just want to make this right."

Mark sighed. "Don't bother."

"What? Why? If I can find her—"

"You don't need to," Mark replied.

"Why not?"

"Because I've always known where she is Derek. That is the reason that I never needed to ask you earlier, or call Meredith over the years…because I have always known."

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_Four Years Earlier…_

Two months. It had been two fucking months since he had heard her voice.

Mark sat on the floor in the middle of his living room with a fifth of scotch in his hand. Ever since he had left Seattle, Mark had been trying to return to his former life. He had spoken to old friends. He had visited old restaurants. He had even gone to see his mother, hoping that her indifference would remind him of who he used to be. But it was no use. He wasn't that man anymore, a fact which had been made clear earlier in the day when he had been walking by the Children's Oncology ward in the hospital. He had looked through one of the glass doors and seen one of the little girls.

She had had Lexie's eyes.

Hence, the drinking.

Mark took a swig of the bitter liquid in his mouth, dimly ignoring the fact that he had already ingested half the bottle. But it wasn't enough. Nothing was.

He needed to see her. He needed to hold her again, even if it was just for a moment.

But he settled for the sound of her voice.

Mark picked up his cell phone in his free hand and punched in a number that had long ago been etched into his memory.

After a brief pause, Mark heard, "Hello?"

"Lexie?"

He heard some rustling, then a door slamming until her voice came back on the phone. "Mark?" He could hear the breathless excitement in her voice. "Mark, is that you?"

"It's me," He said, squeezing his eyes shut. "Sorry, it's so late, but I had to call you."

"It's not so late here," Lexie replied. "Mark…are you drunk?"

"Yeah," Mark said, the slur audible. "Yeah, I am."

"Is everything okay?" Lexie asked, her voice concerned.

"I abandoned you, and you want to know if everything is okay with _me_? Lexie, you have every right to hang up the phone and never speak to me again."

"I am concerned about you," She said tremulously.

"Don't be, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you caring about me," Mark said, his voice harsh.

"You'll always deserve it," Lexie said. "And I will always care about you."

"How do you do that?" He asked.

"Do what?"

"Forgive me for what I did."

"There is nothing to forgive, Mark." She took a gulp of air; he could hear her struggling to breathe through the tears he knew must be coursing down her cheeks. "Not between us…never between us."

He took another swig of the liquor, her breathing the only sound that he could hear.

"I saw you today," Mark finally blurted out.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I saw a little girl and…she had your eyes, Lex."

"Mark…"

"They were brown, just like yours. And they were big and wide and full of innocence, just like yours. And they were full of belief and hope, just…"

"Just like mine," Lexie finished.

"Yeah."

"Are you taking care of yourself, Mark?" Lexie asked. He could almost see her gnawing at her bottom lip.

Mark laughed bitterly. "If there is one thing I am good at, it is taking care of myself."

"Yeah," Lexie said softly.

"Where are you?" Mark suddenly asked.

"In the stairwell."

"At Seattle Grace?"

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"The east stairwell." She paused, and Mark could almost imagine the despair in her eyes as she said the next words. "_Our_ stairwell."

Mark tried to block the images that rushed through his mind. He had loved taking her in there. Between a case, for lunch, or just to kiss her. "Derek and Meredith have the elevators," He had said once. "But this…this is ours." He had said that multiple times over the months they were together, and each time it had brought a smile to her face the second before he kissed her.

"I'm doing right by you, Lex," He finally said, pulling himself out of the past.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean for once you would be proud of me. I am doing right. There hasn't been any other woman here, and I somehow doubt there ever will be."

"Don't say that," Lexie said, her voice low. "You shouldn't make a promise that no person could keep."

"I can keep it," Mark said, suddenly sounding sober. "Being with you was like being alive for the very first time. Being with everyone else would be like being on life support. It doesn't make sense. A person can't live that way."

He could hear her trying to muffle her sobs.

"What floor are you on?"

"Nineteenth," Lexie replied, her voice shaky. "Between Oncology and Radiology."

"Were you visiting Izzie?"

"Yeah," She sighed.

He paused, wishing he could be there to hold her hand.

"Why?" She suddenly said.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to know?" She clarified.

"Cause I want to be able to picture you. I think about you all day long, Lexie. Did you know that?" He laughed. "Of course you didn't. You probably think I got on that plane and forgot all about you. But I didn't. Everyday I get up, and I go to work, and I fix the faces and bodies of people who are trying to fix the wrong thing."

His voice broke. "But though I might be living my life, though I might be existing…my mind is with you. I mentally walk through your entire day in my head. I think about you getting up for rounds, and working trauma, and going to Joe's after work. And I get jealous of all the people who get to see you throughout the day."

He laughed again, but this time it was a hollow sound. "How fucked up is that? I am even jealous of the patients in the hospital, because they get to be there when I am not."

Mark was back to really slurring his words now, a combination of alcohol and emotion going into effect. "But it's better this way, right? You are happy, right?"

He could hear her crying in earnest now.

"Tell me you are happy, Lexie. I need to know so that I can believe that this wasn't all for nothing. So that I can believe that I didn't walk away from the love of my life for nothing."

"What?" She gasped on the other side of the phone. "You love me?"

"Of course I do." Mark said, as if it should have been a foregone conclusion in her mind. "You are the one, Lex. The only one for me."

There was silence for a moment, and Mark knew they were feeling the exact same loneliness, if only for a second.

But it was soon over.

"Why did you call me, Mark?" Lexie asked, quietly.

Mark suddenly felt his chest getting tight. Tears pooled in his eyes and he was suddenly gasping in breaths. "I miss you," He confessed. "I miss you all the time. But it is not just the missing; it is more than that. I don't want to do this without you anymore. I hate it here! Me, I hate New York now…me! Everything is too slick, and the skies are the wrong kind of grey, and the smell of the water isn't fresh and clean. It isn't Seattle, and I couldn't care less about Seattle. The point is…you aren't here."

He tried to wipe away his tears with his left hand, while the other clutched at the phone as if it was a lifeline. "But at least I did one thing right."

"What?" Lexie asked.

"I never got a chance to ruin you," Mark replied. "I ruin everything, but not you. I never ruined you."

She wasn't bothering to hide her sobs now.

"So tell me that you are happy, Lexie," He implored. "Tell me, so that I can go back to my fake life here and find some comfort in the idea that you are better off without me. So…are you happy?"

Lexie laughed quietly, her breath gasping as a sob came out as well. "At this moment? Yeah, Mark. At this moment…I am happy."

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_Present Day…_

"I don't think we can fix this."

Mark looked at Derek with confusion in his steel blue eyes, but then he sighed. "I never thought we could," Mark said.

"Then why are you here?" Derek asked. "And don't say the case. There is more. I may not be your friend anymore, but I know how you work. There always has to be a reason with you."

Mark sighed, rubbing his right hand over the scruff of his beard. "I'm here because…well, I needed to do this now. I couldn't waste anymore time." Mark paused. It was hard thinking about finishing a chapter of his life, but that was what this was really about, wasn't it? Mark had come back to Seattle to close the door on the past. He continued, "I don't want you to apologize and I don't want to offer you forgiveness, but I needed to make this right. I needed this to be something that I can let go. My life is about to changed…God, so fundamentally. Even more than it already has."

"Mark, what are you talking about?"

"I just needed this to be finished before…I just needed this, okay?"

"You can tell me, you know?"

"Tell you?"

"Tell me why this is so important. Why now, when all of this time has already passed?"

Mark looked at him and then shook his head. "No, Derek, I can't tell you. Because you would never understand. We aren't those same people anymore. And we're not friends. So I am not going to share anything about my life, big or small, with you."

"I'm sorry for ending your relationship with Lexie," Derek said suddenly.

Mark started in surprise. That was the last thing he had anticipated Derek saying. Especially because that was the one thing that he didn't hold against Derek. Thinking back on it all now, Mark wondered if the destruction of his relationship with Lexie hadn't needed to happen that way. If it was necessary to endure that small, but deep, amount of pain in exchange for his current happiness.

"I'm not," Mark said honestly. "If you hadn't…well, who knows what would have happened. I might have destroyed it all on my own."

"You wouldn't have," Derek said with quiet conviction.

Mark looked at him in surprise. "What makes you say that?"

"Do you think I am blind?" Derek asked. "You are different. You changed. And I can't help wondering if…"

"If, what?" Mark asked.

"If Lexie was the change. If she changed you back then, and you have never changed back," Derek said.

Mark said nothing, but his silence said everything.

"I am sorry," Derek repeated.

"Don't be," Mark said finally realizing that he didn't need Derek to be apologetic. That it didn't matter now.

"I _am_ sorry though, if I caused you to have regrets about your relationship with her," Derek said. "I wasn't thinking about you…her…or anything…but myself."

Mark shook his head at Derek. His eyes were calm as he spoke. "You don't need to be sorry. As far as Lexie is concerned…I regret nothing. Everyday was…better, because of her. And it always will be."

"You loved her," Derek said, as if discovering it for the first time.

Mark nodded. "Yeah…always."

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**Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello Everybody! I hope you are having a great Sunday. I must apologize in advance for the lack of Mark and Lexie in the flashback. Couldn't be helped, I'm afraid. This is a very heavy Mark and Derek chapter, but hopefully it includes some reveals that will surprise you. Enjoy!**

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The silence was heavy between them as they stared at each other. The similarities of their thoughts, the ease with which they had once been able to read the other's mind, was no more. The man who stood before Mark now was not the friend he remembered and once cherished. Instead, he seemed cold, bitter, and weary…so very weary. Mark tried to remember why they had initially become friends but, like so many things, the cause was lost to time. He wished that there was some grand story of friendship and sacrifice, but Mark thought it had been more the gravitation of two lost souls to each other. Derek, having so recently lost his father, and Mark, who felt like he never had one to begin with, had needed each other. And that had been that.

If only things were still so simple.

After Mark's confession to Derek, he had tried to explain it. Tried to explain how he had loved Lexie so very dearly and how being away from her had felt like a thousand stabbing knives attacking him all at once. But he had never been good at talking about his feelings, not when it counted, and had never been good at doing so with Derek who had once liked to think of his friend of incapable of love. So he had mumbled something, and run away.

Now he was sitting in the attendings' lounge, trying to remember why he had ever thought coming to Seattle was a good idea.

It was no surprise that she then choose to call.

When his phone rang, and a smile lit Mark's face as he saw his wife's name pop up on the screen of the phone.

"Hello?"

"Mark? I just got your message. Is everything okay, you sounded really upset?"

Mark felt all the tension leave his body as he heard his wife's calm and clear voice. "Everything is fine…it's just hard, being back here, you know? I thought I was prepared for this and I thought closure was important, but I am beginning to think that you were right. Maybe I shouldn't have returned."

She sighed. "Mark, I didn't want you to feel that way. I was upset, yes, but it had nothing to do with you. It was just…the thought of you going back to Seattle Grace brought up a lot of old ghosts, you know? I was afraid of what might happen. There are a lot of unresolved issues."

"Hey, you have nothing to worry about. I meant what I said. This is just something that I needed to do. When I saw Derek last night, I thought this was such a great idea, that it would help put everything in perspective, you know? I mean, I was completely calm when I saw him, but then this morning and just now…"

"What happened?" She asked, her voice full of concern.

"It was just…being that close to him, working with him, I just got so angry. And right now, well I basically told him that we were never going to be friends again."

"He hurt you," She said. "You have a right to feel that way."

"I think this was a mistake; all I can think about is home," Mark sighed. He then said, "Home, you, and Matty."

"Do you want to talk to him?"

"Yeah, put him on."

There was a slight interference on the phone, and Mark could hear her saying, "Matty, Daddy is on the phone!"

After a moment, Mark heard, "Hi Daddy."

"Hey, buddy," He responded. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Daddy. When are you coming home?"

Mark squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the guilt that filled him. "Soon, buddy, soon. I have to stay for another day or two."

"Mommy says you have to fix somebody's face."

"That's right, buddy."

"How did they break their face?"

Mark tried not to laugh at the innocent question. "Remember when you fell off the swings?"

"Uh-huh," Matty said.

"Well, this man fell _really _hard."

"Oh…hey Daddy, guess what?"

"What?"

"I learn-ned how to count to five!"

"That's great!" Mark tired to push away the regret that filled him at the thought of having missed such a milestone. "Can you count for me?"

"One…two…three…four…five!"

"Wow," Mark said. "That was really great! You are smart, just like your mommy!"

"Mommy said I was smart like you!"

Mark laughed.

"I love you, Daddy," Matty said.

"I love you too, buddy. Can you give the phone back to your mommy?"

"Okay, bye-bye!"

"Bye, buddy."

"Hey," His wife said, coming back on the phone.

"Hey," Mark replied. "He sounds okay. He hasn't been giving you any problems, has he?"

"Mark!" She laughed. "It has only been a day. Our son is very well behaved."

Mark grinned ruefully. "I know he is, I just feel bad, leaving you there to care for him on your own. How are you feeling? Any nausea?"

"Nope, not really. Nothing near what it was like with Matty."

"Good. That makes me feel less guilty about leaving you," Mark said.

"Just do the procedure, Mark," She said, warmth in her voice. "Do the procedure and then come home. Let's put the past in the past, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Give our son a kiss for me."

"I will. See you soon."

"Okay," Mark said. "Bye."

"Bye." Mark faintly heard "Bye Daddy!" in the background. He chuckled and closed the phone. He was about to put it away when he heard someone clear their throat.

He whirled around to see Derek standing in the doorway.

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_Four Years Earlier…_

As he sat in the office of his brownstone, Mark studied the computer diagram before him as earnestly as he would the patient's actual face. His fingers move diligently over the keys, trying to decide how best to rebuild the tissue, when he heard a knock at his door. Mark stood, grabbing his wallet and walking swiftly to the front of the house.

When he opened it, he saw his best friend on the other side of the threshold.

"You are not the Chinese food I ordered," Mark said sarcastically.

Derek grinned half-heartedly. "No, not today…" He trailed off into silence, his grin falling when he saw the blank way that Mark was staring at him.

"What are you doing here, Derek?" Mark asked, his voice flat and unemotional.

"Well, if Mohammed won't come to the mountain…" Derek trailed off. His eyes seem to beg Mark to understand. "I have called, emailed…You aren't responding. What did you expect me to do?"

"Take the hint," Mark said dryly.

"You once refused to take the hint," Derek said. "I figure that it's my turn." Derek shoved his hands into his pockets, guarding against the slight chill which had recently returned to the city. "I want you to come back to the hospital, Mark."

"Do you now…" Mark drawled, leaning his frame against the door. "And why would I do that?"

"You belong at Seattle Grace. You know it's true."

Mark scoffed, "I know nothing of the sort."

"We're family, Mark," Derek said. "You need to come back."

He laughed, but it was a hard and ugly sound. "You think we are family, Derek? Jeez, that's rich. And the best part is that I once thought the exact same thing. That was the reason that I went all the way to Seattle for you. I wanted my brother back. But now…I wonder why I even bothered. I slept with your wife, Derek…and you got me fired and ran me out of town. Call me crazy, but I doubt families are supposed to treat each other like that." Mark was looking at him steadily, and though his voice was low and angry, his face showed no expression.

Derek swallowed, trying to gauge Mark's mood. "I know you are upset…"

"I'm not," Mark said. "I am not upset at all. I am tired, Derek. Tired of it all. I don't need your drama in my life and I certainly don't need you."

"Mark—"

"Save it," Mark snapped. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say." He moved to close the door, then stopped. "By the way…the next time you piss someone off enough that they move across the country to get away from you…" Mark seemed to spit the words as he spoke. "The first fucking words out of your mouth should be 'I'm sorry'."

He then slammed the door in Derek's face.

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_Present Day…_

"You have a kid?" Derek asked hoarsely. "You have a kid and a wife and you didn't tell me?

"We haven't exactly been on speaking terms, Derek," Mark said, pushing away the guilt that reared its head due to the look on Derek's face.

"So?" Derek said, his voice raising. "How could you not tell me that you got married and started reproducing?"

"I didn't think you'd care," Mark said, hoping Derek couldn't see through his lie.

"That's crap!" Derek said. "Do you think anything could have stopped me from calling you if I had become a father?" He started to pace. "And you are married! My God, this is huge!"

Mark held up his hand, desperate to cut Derek off. "Stop, just stop. There is no need to make this into a bigger deal than it already is. Yes, I am married and we have a son together. No, I didn't tell you."

Derek met his eyes, and Mark could see the tears pooled there. "A son. What's his name?"

Mark sighed. "Dylan Matthew."

Derek sat down heavily in one of the chairs. "How old is he?"

Mark shifted uneasily. "Three."

"And your wife," Derek began. "What about—"

"Look, Derek," Mark cut in. "I _really_ don't want to talk about this. My family is my business."

Derek was looking down at his clasped hands, wringing them quietly.

"What I want," Mark stated. "What I really want is to not have this conversation anymore. We have been going round and round this all day, and I am tired. I am tired of it all."

Mark didn't seem to realize he was repeating those same words he had said four years earlier, but Derek certainly did.

He stood and nodded. "You're right. Let's…not. Let's just not, okay? The past should stay in the past, because that is obviously where we both left this friendship."

Derek swept past him out of the room as Mark sat on one of the couches. He tried to ignore the sadness that suddenly filled him

This was what he wanted…right?

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**Review Please!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello All! I don't think any introduction is needed for this chapter. Suffice it to say, this is the one you have been waiting for...**

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By the time Mark left the hospital that day, eight hours later, he was ready to concede defeat. The universe was obviously conspiring against him, because everywhere he went, he saw Derek. He had hoped to distract himself by scrubbing in on Callie's surgery, but Derek had needed to be paged when Callie noticed abnormal swelling around the patient's spine. Then Mark had run into Derek in the Surgical ICU, checking on the patient. But the coup de grâce had come later when he had run into both Derek and Meredith at the Nurse's station. For some reason, Meredith had been intent on speaking to him and asking after his welfare.

It was weird.

But Derek, well, he had just been standing there the entire time rather stoically. Mark had been grateful when Callie had walked by and informed him that the patient was well enough for him to schedule his surgery for tomorrow.

He needed to get out of that hospital.

After declining Callie's offer of a celebratory drink, Mark returned to his hotel room. He longed to fall asleep, but habit required him to check his email before he did. After opening the laptop, Mark scrolled through his messages. After returning several work emails, he sighed when he saw one which was not.

_Dear Mark,_

_If you would be so kind, I would like to see my grandson in the not so distant future. Your assistance and cooperation in the matter would be much appreciated._

_Yours etc.,_

_Mother_

Mark rolled his eyes as he reread the email. The last thing he wanted was for his mother to be too involved in Matty's life. He could still feel, with little lessening, all the pain that his mother had inflicted on him over the years. When he and his wife had found out they were going to have a baby, Mark had made sure she understood exactly what type of childhood he had. What was only hinted at before in oblique statements, he finally described in great detail and then he finished by saying that it was the last thing they wanted for their child. They had then agreed their unborn baby was going to be deeply loved and would always know it; they had decided that then.

And they had kept their promise. There were few children more secure in their parents' love than Dylan Matthew Sloan.

Some would say that Mark spoiled Matty, but Mark liked it that way. There was little he wouldn't do to keep his wife and son as happy as possible.

As a result, Mark had always been weary of the amount of time his mother spent with his son. He knew he was being overprotective and irrational. Matty knew how much his parents loved him, and a frosty grandmother didn't change that, but Mark was still cautious. The few times Diane Sloan had met Matty, she had seemed like a woman Mark couldn't even recognize. Though she was stiff and awkward, there was nothing in her demeanor to remind Mark of the neglectful and cold woman she had once been. For Matty's sake, he had been glad, but for his own…He just wished she had figured out the value of family when he had been young enough for it to matter to him.

With a sigh, Mark closed his computer and stood. Hopefully, he could get some sleep and combine what should be two operations for the patient into one. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck in Seattle longer than he had to be.

He was about to change for bed when he heard a knock at the door. Crossing the room, Mark's mouth dropped open in surprise when he saw his wife standing before him with their son in her arms.

"Lexie?"

* * *

_Four Years Earlier…_

"And what is the standard post-op care for a patient undergoing that type of a procedure, Dr. Caruthers?"

Mark sighed as the intern struggled for an answer. He stood in the middle of New York Presbyterian Hospital with four interns in front of him, and he was, not for the first time, questioning his judgment in once again working at a teaching hospital. After he had left Seattle Grace, Mark returned to New York with the intention of taking a couple of weeks off before accepting the job which had been offered to him, but he soon found that idleness was not good for his present state of mind. He was forcing himself to remain busy at all times, hoping that the occupation of work would keep his mind off of Lexie. And now, standing in front of these idiotic interns, Mark had to admit that it wasn't working. She was never out of his mind, no matter what he did. Rubbing his hand over his face, Mark snapped the correct post-op care procedure at the intern who was wasting his time.

"Sorry, Dr. Sloan," Caruthers said.

Mark shook his head, trying to clear it. "Go find something to do." When none of the interns moved, Mark snapped, "Now!"

They scurried away as if the hounds of hell were after them.

"Careful, Dr. Sloan. You keep treating your interns like that and you will start to develop a reputation."

Mark froze. Every cell in his body sprang to attention, but he could hardly trust his ears fearing that his mind was playing some cruel trick on him. He clenched the pen in his hand, willing himself to breathe. It wasn't her; it couldn't be. _Breathe Mark, breathe. _When he finally turned, Mark felt as though his heart was about to stop.

Standing in front of him was Lexie.

Mark choked back the gasp that rose in his throat, but just barely. "Lex?" He whispered.

"Hi, Mark," She said, giving him a soft smile.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice hushed, as if speaking loudly would make her disappear.

"I got on a plane," She said, her smile growing. "I got on a plane and I came here to see you."

Mark nodded, and waited for her to continue.

"It's funny," Lexie said. "There I was, standing in the middle of the OR with Dr. Yang. She finally let me scrub in on a case, can you believe that? And, in the OR, I had my arms deep inside this man's abdomen, something I had never done before, and all I could think about was you. I replayed what you said to me last week over and over in my mind, and suddenly I knew that I couldn't stay in Seattle Grace anymore. It didn't make sense without you. So, I left. I packed a bag, lied to Meredith, and I left."

He belatedly noticed the bag at her feet. "Why would you do that?"

"You know why," Lexie said with an indulgent smile.

"Yeah, I think I do," Mark replied. "But it has been a busy week. Derek came to see me to get me back to Seattle, I have just been informed that my chief of surgery wants to groom me to take over in a few years, and now you are standing before me. For clarifications sake…"

"Mark…"

"Lexie…what are you saying?" Mark asked, not daring to hope that she was saying what he wanted, but also praying that she was.

"I am saying that I love you, Mark."

He was sure he must have stopped breathing. To have her say it once had been a shock, but to hear it again was a gift.

"And that is precious," Lexie continued. "And I know that you love me too. You never have to say it to me again, because I will always remember what you said when you called me. I love you, and I want to be with you, so I am here. I'm here, Mark, and I want to stay."

A grin suddenly appeared on Mark's face as he stared at Lexie. "So what are you saying, Little Grey? You want me to be your boyfriend?"

Lexie smirked, remembering their first real conversation. "Yeah, I was thinking about something along those lines."

Mark stepped forward and cupped her face with his hands, savoring the heat and feel of her cheeks. "You're here," He whispered, audible only to her.

"I'm here," Lexie repeated, her soft eyes meeting his. "I'm not going anywhere." Her hands moved to his shoulders, holding him in place as well.

"I've dreamed of you many times…but you were never there when I woke up," Mark confessed. "I've missed you, Lexie."

"Good, because I don't think I am ever going to let you out of my sight again," Lexie responded with a smile, but then her face turned serious. "I don't want to mess this up anymore, Mark. I feel like I have been dead inside for two months."

"We won't," Mark said. "It's you and me now, Lex. We are going to make this work. I know we will." He gently lowered his lips to hers, brushing them together in a gentle caress that made his entire body feel like it was on fire. Mark let his fingers slide through her silky hair as a feeling of _rightness_ came over him. There was nothing like kissing Lexie, nothing. He pulled back, cupping her face again. "I love you, Lexie."

She smiled. "You didn't have to say it again. I already knew."

"I wanted to say it again," Mark murmured. "Not only did you need to hear it from me when I was sober, but I also wanted you to know that I plan on saying it a lot. For the rest of our lives in fact."

Lexie let her eyes flutter closed. His breath was hot on her face, and she tried to savor the feel of him. No memory could have possibly compared to being with him again.

"How are we going to do this, Lex?" Mark asked quietly.

She opened her eyes to see him looking at her steadily.

"I can't…I can't go back to Seattle, Lexie. I just can't," Mark said. He wanted to beg her to understand, how he felt, just exactly what Derek's actions did to him. But he needn't have worried.

"I know," She murmured. "I am going to repeat my intern year…here, with you. I don't care if I have to start from scratch."

"Really?" He asked, his eyes shinning.

She nodded. "I think this will be good for us. Yes, you will still be my teacher and I your student, but no one here knows about Seattle Grace. We can start over here, Mark."

Mark smiled. "God, I love you. How did you get to be so smart?"

Lexie shrugged. "It's a gift."

The grin left his face as he suddenly became serious. "Are you sure about this, Lexie? Do you think it is worth it?"

An unspoken question hung in the air between them.

"I do," She said. "I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Not only is this worth it, but Mark…_ you_ are worth it."

He looked down at the petite woman in his arms and, just like that, he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with her.

* * *

_Present Day…_

"Lexie? Jesus, come in!" Mark said. "Let me take Matty."

Lexie transferred their son to his arms, and took her bag into the room. "He slept all the way from the airport so he should be out."

Mark walked in and set him down on the bed, pulling up the comforter around him. Smoothing back Matty's still baby fine hair, Mark kissed his head and then turned to his wife.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but Lex, what are you doing here?"

Lexie shrugged out of her coat with a smile. "What? No kiss hello?"

Mark walked over to her, looking like he might pounce at any moment. The heat and fire that was always present when he was near Lexie burned as bright as ever. He yanked her hips to his and said, "You want a kiss? After flying across the country without telling me?"

"Come on," Lexie said with a grin. "I couldn't just leave you here after I talked to you. You sounded awful."

The breath in his chest suddenly got tight. How was it that she always knew what he needed? Mark shook his head. "You know, some days I don't know whether to throw you onto the bed or spank you."

A wicked smile crossed Lexie's face. "You could do both."

They both laughed as Lexie stood on her tiptoes and brought his mouth to hers. Their tongues met in a familiar duel, each trying to get as close as possible. Mark yanked on Lexie's hair to tilt her head back, kissing her as deeply as he could.

"Lexie Sloan," He said when he pulled away. "I think you missed me."

"Hmm, you maybe right," Lexie said, "But you should kiss me again, just to make sure."

"Good idea," Mark said, fighting a grin. "One can't be too thorough after all."

Their lips met briefly and Lexie said, "I've always admired your diligence."

"Lexie," Mark said, covering her lips again.

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking."

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**A/N: You didn't really think anyone other than Lexie would be the wife, did you? Review Please!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi Everybody! I am glad you all liked the last chapter and the reveal of Lexie as the wife. I am a shipper at heart, so there was no way it was going to happen differently. I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. Here is a little McSexie fluff to brighten up your day!**

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"It's so still here," Lexie whispered into the quiet of the hotel room. "I had forgotten how still Seattle can be. Almost like the whole city makes a collective decision to go to sleep. Not like New York."

Mark held Lexie's hand in the darkness. After they had changed into their night clothes earlier, they had laid down facing each other with their son resting peacefully between them. Their fingers were joined over Matty's sleeping body, as they had done many times before when a nightmare would bring their young son into their room.

"Do you miss it here?" Mark asked quietly, almost afraid of her answer.

"Sometimes," Lexie replied honestly. "When I think of the Farmers Markets they have here, or when I hear 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' on the radio, or when I dream of sailing across Puget Sound." Her voice was melodic as she spoke. "But there are so many wonderful things about New York. Grey's Papaya, and Knicks tickets, Broadway, and the Met. I could be happy in either place, Mark." She shifted her body towards him. "But I couldn't be happy without you."

Mark smiled, though he knew she couldn't see it. "I feel the same way. Not about Seattle, I hate Seattle, but the rest of it. I feel the same way."

They were silent for a moment, and Mark allowed his eyes to drift shut as he felt contentment wash over him.

"I want to come to the hospital tomorrow," Lexie said, causing his eyes to fly open.

"Why?"

"You know why, Mark," Lexie said. "It's time that everyone knew, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Mark whispered, "It's just…"

"What?"

"It feels like it is too late now, in a way."

"It is never too late to tell the truth," Lexie said. "I don't understand why you are being so hesitant about this. You never wanted to lie in the first place. You wanted me to call Meredith right away."

There was silence which greeted her words, then she could hear her husband sigh. "I know," he said.

* * *

_Four Years Earlier…_

The next evening, after Lexie had been in New York for two days, they laid wrapped in each other's arms after a vigorous round of lovemaking. It had been just as they both remembered, but there was something tender about it now as well. As if the two month separation had made what they had all the sweeter.

Silence filled the bedroom, and the only light was the flicker of a candle in the corner. Mark took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar smell of Lexie's perfume.

"So what is going to happen now?" Mark asked, pulling her closer to him.

"What do you mean?" She asked, a happy smile on her face.

"I mean, what do you want to do about…everything?"

Lexie rested her head on his chest as she met his eyes. "You mean about living arrangements and things?"

Mark nodded. "Would you consider living with me? I mean, we practically lived together in Seattle. This wouldn't be so different."

"Just official," Lexie commented.

"Yeah," Mark breathed. "Would that be so bad?"

"No," Lexie said. "I want to live with you."

"Good, because I wasn't really giving you a choice."

Lexie laughed. "What? You think you could have forced me to live with you?"

"I would have worn you down eventually," Mark said confidently.

"Keep telling yourself that," Lexie said, rolling her eyes.

"Admit it, Little Grey," Mark said. "You can't live without me."

Lexie's voice turned serious. "Well, that is certainly true." Her eyes became dark as she looked at him, that shade of desire and vulnerability that he loved so much.

"I love you," He whispered, glad to say it again.

"I know," Lexie said with a grin. "You've told me."

"Smart ass," Mark mumbled.

"You love it," Lexie returned.

Mark swatted her bottom playfully. "And?"

"And what?"

"And you love me too?"

Lexie grinned. "Of course I do. I, Alexandra Caroline Grey, love you, Mark Dylan Sloan."

Mark nodded in approval. "That's what I thought."

"You know you are awful greedy in the 'I love you' department," Lexie commented idly, tracing hearts on his bare chest.

"I like hearing it from you," Mark said, his voice rumbling.

Lexie smiled. "Well, I like saying it."

"Good."

"Good," Mark repeated. "So besides living together…"

"Yeah?"

"What about your career? I know you talked to my Chief this morning about starting the surgical program again."

Lexie grew quiet, and her fingers stopped.

"Lex?" Mark asked. "Talk to me."

"Dr. McAllister said that since I have almost completed my internship at Seattle Grace he is willing to let me sit for the test at New York Presbyterian. I would be a resident as soon as I started."

"That's great!" Mark said, his face full of happiness. "Everything is going to be alright."

Lexie said nothing, but stared at him as she bit her lip.

"What is it?" He asked, sensitive to the shift in her mood.

"I am thinking about…"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I talked to your Chief about my other options as well."

He looked confused. "What other options?"

"I am thinking about not becoming a surgeon. There is a spot in the OB/GYN program and Dr. McAllister is willing to credit my time. I could be done with my residency in three years, and my fellowship in four."

Mark shook his head in disbelief. "Is this something you are really considering?"

Lexie nodded.

"Why? Is this because you don't want to be seen as sleeping with your attending again? Because if that is the case—"

"No," Lexie said, cutting him off. "This has nothing to do with that. When I made the decision to come out here, you know, after that surgery? Well, one of the things that gave me the courage to do it was to think about what I wanted in the future. I tried to picture what I wanted from my life in two years, in five, in twenty. And I kept seeing you, Mark."

He smiled at her, his eyes full of love.

"But it wasn't only you," Lexie said, continuing. "I saw a little girl with your blue eyes and my hair, and a mischievous little boy with your grin on his face. And I want that. I want a family with you." She paused. "I am not trying to jump the gun here, but you need to understand."

Mark cupped her face. "We can still have a family, Lex. And you are not jumping the gun at all. I think about that stuff, too. But Lexie...you can't walk away from helping people. It's who you are. You are meant to be a surgeon."

She shook her head. "No, Mark. I am meant to be a _doctor_. I don't have to be a surgeon to be happy." She place one of her own hands on top of his. "This is what matters: you and me. I don't want to waste any time. If I went into OB/GYN I could have a life. We could take vacations and I would never have to miss a kid's soccer game. We could have friends and lives outside the hospital. But if I continue in the surgical program…that is a very distant possibility. There would be at least seven more years of intense training. So either I would miss years of our lives and the lives of any kids we had, or we would have to wait until after I finished to have them. I don't want to get pregnant and then have to worry about how it is going to affect my career."

"Bailey…"

"Bailey was miserable, Mark," Lexie said. "She constantly felt torn, and I think part of her resented the time she had to give to the hospital. I don't want to feel that way."

Mark sat up then, pulling her up as well. He moved close to her, his eyes anxious, "I just don't want you to ever regret this, Lexie. I don't want you to ever wake up and think that the sacrifice wasn't worth it. You are going to be a wonderful doctor Lexie, no matter your specialty. But can you be happy if you aren't a surgeon?"

She nodded. "I won't regret this, Mark, I know that much." Lexie stroked the side of his face as she spoke. "I never counted on you, did you know that? I was sort of convinced that I would never be in a relationship where all these things would matter. Being a surgeon would be a fulfillment, but it would be a small one. Being with you, having kids, being a doctor…those are the things that matter. I don't need to cut; I just need this. I just need us."

"I love you," Mark whispered.

"I love you too," Lexie said, lying back down and pulling Mark to rest his head on her chest.

"I guess you should call Meredith," Mark said.

"Why?"

"Just to tell her what happened."

"Why would I do that?" Lexie asked.

"She's your sister."

Lexie mumbled something rude, causing Mark to grin.

"Does that mean you are not going to call her?"

"Eventually, I will," Lexie said. "I just don't want to deal with her. Besides, she knows I left Seattle Grace so there is not much more to say."

"You could tell her about us."

"Believe me," Lexie said bitterly. "She doesn't care."

"What makes you say that?"

"When I was leaving, she asked if I was going to 'chase after you and be all pathetic'. So I lied and said I was going to Boston. My personal life is none of her business."

"She doesn't know how to relate to you," Mark commented.

"Don't defend her."

"I'm not, but you should talk to her."

"Why?"

"Because I know you, Lexie. When you are happy you like to share it with people."

"Not this," Lexie said, looking at his face. "This is ours. I don't need people I am never going to see again involved. They are there, Mark. We are here. I never really made friends with any of them. I called Molly and I told her everything. And I stopped in and saw Izzie before I left and I told her. She was happy for us. That's enough."

Mark frowned. "So this is going to be a secret?"

"No," Lexie said. "You can tell who ever you want, but everyone important to me already knows."

Mark looked uneasy.

"Hey," she said, stroking his hair. "We'll make new friends, Mark. And you can introduce me to some of your old ones here in New York. I just want to forget about Seattle Grace."

Mark visibly relaxed. "You're right. Us being together is all that matters. As for the rest…I'll email Callie eventually and tell her I am going to marry you as soon as possible."

Lexie's eyes widened in the darkness. "Are you saying what I think you are?"

Mark smirked. "I'm saying…how 'bout you and me until death do us part?"

Lexie laughed. "Only you could make a marriage proposal into a pickup line!"

"Is that a yes?"

Lexie nodded, her voice trembling. "Yes. Yes! A million times yes!"

Mark kissed her and allowed their bodies to press together. "I have a feeling that you are going to make me very happy, Little Grey."

She grinned. "Enjoy saying that while you can."

"What?"

"Little Grey," She said. "Soon, that won't be my name anymore. You'll have to call me Little Sl—"

"No!" Mark cut her off with a derisive laugh. "No, I'll find you another nickname."

Lexie quirked her brows at him and just shook her head with a smile. "Whatever you say, Dr. Sloan."

"Damn right, whatever I say," Mark said, lowering his mouth to hers.

They made love again and it was that much more special because of what they had promised and swore.

Afterward, when they were resting together, Lexie heard Mark say, "So what's going to happen now?"

He was grinning against her warm skin and she laughed when she realized he was repeating his earlier question.

She smiled and said simply, "We live, Mark. That is what is going to happen now."

* * *

_Present Day…_

"If you had it to do all over again," Lexie whispered. "Would you change anything?"

"What do you mean?" Mark asked her, listening to the sound of his son's steady breathing.

Lexie laughed quietly. "The question is self-explanatory."

Mark frowned, and a small crease appeared between his brows. "If I changed anything…wouldn't that change everything?"

"Probably," Lexie conceded.

"Then no, I wouldn't change anything. Not even the bad stuff."

"So you don't regret not coming back to Seattle all those years ago when the Chief offered you your job back?"

Mark cocked his head, suddenly realizing what Lexie was getting at. "No, I don't. What brought this on?"

"You asked me if I missed Seattle. I was wondering if _you_ missed Seattle. Not the place, but the hospital, Callie…Derek."

Mark reached across their son and moved the hair out of her eyes. "I regret that our friendship turned out this way, but there is no way I would trade our family for a chance to do it over again. Our home is in New York, Lex. After this case is over, we are going home."

Lexie smiled. "Good, because I want this one to be born in the same hospital as her brother." She touched her just-rounded belly gently.

Mark smiled, his chest tightening as it always did when he thought of the daughter he would soon have. "Then she will. I am sure you have many babies waiting for you to deliver them back home, and Matty is missing preschool. After I operate tomorrow, the three of us are on the first plane back to New York. Okay?"

"Okay."

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**Please Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, this was a beast of a chapter to get written. What is with Mark not wanting to do and say what I tell him? Well, anyway, hope you enjoy this one, there is fluff and angst. Something for everybody! What can I say, I am a people pleaser. LOL.**

**Oh, and real quick. I just want to thank everybody who is taking the time to review. I appreciate all comments, criticism or otherwise. I know some of you are disappointed about MerDer and Lexie not being a surgeon, but this is AU. This story is built on the premise of something that will never happen on the show, and as such, I took latitude.**

**As far as Lexie is concerned, I think she would be an excellent OB/GYN though it is sad that she isn't a surgeon in my story. I did it because I felt there had to be sacrifices that Mark and Lexie made when they stayed in New York. Without a support system, one of them would have needed to be at home more and at work less.**

**And with regards to MerDer, them not getting married was based on the idea I mentioned earlier about them having been sleepwalking since Izzie's death. Think about it this way: Derek returns to the hospital with no best friend and his girlfriend not paying attention because she is focused on Izzie, and he only then realizes that he needs Mark's support to get over killing his patient Jen. He goes to NY and Mark basically tells him to go f**k himself. Then he comes back to SGH where Meredith has checked out because Izzie is dying. Then, despite everyone's best efforts, Izzie dies and George leaves. Meredith would be devastated by Izzie's death, and even more so by the loss of so many people she needs. And Derek would have no one to turn to. So yeah, they have been sleepwalking for a while. They are happy now, but something tells me they will need a kick in the butt to wake up again.**

**I hope that helps to clear everything up. Keep the comments coming, I am happy get them!**

**Oh, and a small disclaimer: I don't live in New York so I don't know what the rules about marriage licenses are there. For the purposes of my story, there is no blood test required and only a two day waiting period.**

**Is this the longest author's note ever, or what? On with the chapter...**

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When Mark's alarm went off in the early hours of the morning, he groaned and fumbled for his phone to turn it off. Once accomplished, he looked over at his sleeping son and wife with a smile. They looked so much alike, and with their heads resting together like that, Mark could hardly tell whose hair began and ended where. He quietly slid out of the bed, trying not to disturb them, and padded over to the bathroom. Closing the door without a sound, Mark flipped the lights and flinched when they came on. He then quickly turned on the shower and allowed the steam to fill the bathroom.

After stripping off his pajamas, Mark stepped under the hot spray. He moved his head from side to side, trying to work out the kinks in his neck and to psych himself up for the day. He had a difficult surgery ahead of him, and Mark wanted to do as much as he could to prevent having to perform a second one.

After standing in the shower for ten minutes, Mark heard the glass door open, and felt two arms encircle his waist. He smiled. "I was wondering if you would wake up."

"You know the sound of the shower always wakes me," Lexie murmured against his back.

"True, but you were very tired last night," Mark said. "You fell asleep while I was still talking to you about my surgery."

Lexie grinned, hiding her face sheepishly on his skin. "Sorry, I guess the flight got to me."

Mark turned so they were facing each other. "Don't worry about it; I know you have heard it all many times before."

"And many times before that," Lexie said saucily, her smirk playful.

"Brat," He murmured.

Lexie lowered her head and rested it against his chest, their naked bodies touching from chest to thigh. "Are you nervous about today?"

He closed his eyes to the feeling of the hot spray of the shower and his wife in his arms. "A little. But it is more the nerves I get before any surgery, sort of like the way you feel when you are delivering a baby."

Lexie smiled. "Those are good nerves. They never go away."

"Yeah, they are good nerves," Mark agreed.

"I meant what I said last night, Mark," Lexie said.

"About what?"

"About coming to the hospital today."

Mark sighed, but he knew this was one battle he wasn't going to win. "Okay, why don't you meet me for lunch? We can find Meredith and Derek at some point and try to find a way out of this mess."

"It's all so silly, isn't it?" Lexie murmured.

"What?"

"This," Lexie said. "I feel like I have to tell my parents I am going steady with my first boyfriend."

Mark chuckled at the image of a young Lexie with braces, nervously clutching the hand of a faceless boy, which suddenly entered his mind. "I know what you mean. But the sooner it is done, the sooner we can think about the future."

Lexie nodded. "I am going to see Molly this morning."

"Matty will be glad to see her and Laura again," Mark commented.

"Yeah," Her voice trailed off. Mark knew she was regretting the distance that was between her and her sister now.

He rubbed his hand soothingly up and down her back. Lexie lifted her eyes to his, and then reached up and kissed him. Her fingers grazed their way down his abdomen, but Mark pulled away from her touch.

"This isn't a good idea," Mark said.

"Why?" Lexie asked, her face confused.

"You're pregnant," Mark stated.

"I am aware of that," Lexie said dryly.

"What if you slipped or I…dropped you?" Mark shook his head. "Better safe than sorry."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my husband?" Lexie asked.

"Not funny," Mark said.

Lexie wrapped her arms around his waist again. "I trust you." She then kissed him.

"What if Matty comes in?" Mark mumbled against her lips.

"I locked the door."

"What if he wakes up and needs us?"

"He won't; he is your son, after all."

"Well," Mark said, lifting Lexie against the wall. "In that case…"

"I knew you would see things my way."

"I always do."

* * *

_Four Years Earlier…_

"We don't have to do this, you know," Mark murmured to Lexie as they stood outside the judge's chambers. It was a week after Lexie had moved to New York, and they were about to get married. After deciding against a prolonged wedding, they had agreed that a city hall wedding was the way to go. But in the end, Mark had been able to pull some strings and get a judge, who had been friends with his father, to perform the ceremony instead. And now, they were waiting.

"We could have a proper wedding with guests and everything," Mark said to her.

Lexie grinned at him. "Where is the fun in that? Besides, I did my hair and got all pretty. We might as well get married."

Mark smiled at her as he shook his head. She had indeed done her hair. She had also bought a simple white dress that looked amazing on her. "Well…if you insist," Mark said.

Her peals of laughter were his only answer. Lexie face was so happy, and Mark felt his stomach clench as they looked at each other. She reached out and straightened his tie, a very wifely duty which he savored.

"You have the rings, right?" She asked.

Mark nodded, patting the inside of his pocket. It was funny. He never thought he would have to hold the rings for his own wedding. That was always something he thought Derek would—

Mark stopped his thoughts there. He wouldn't allow himself to think about his former best friend today. Not today of all days.

But once he had allowed the thought in, it wouldn't leave. Derek _should_ be there. He was had been his best friend since the first grade, and this almost didn't feel right without him.

"You miss him, don't you?" Lexie asked, breaking into his thoughts. She always seemed to know what he was thinking.

Mark nodded, saying nothing.

"I miss them both," Lexie said to him. "They should have been here today, and in a perfect world, they would have been."

Mark lowered his head until the tip of his forehead was touching hers. "I'm sorry about Meredith."

Lexie breathed in and whispered back, "And I'm sorry about Derek."

The door opened at that moment, and the judge beckoned them in.

Lexie pulled back and looked at him, her smile as wide as he had ever seen. "You ready for this, handsome?"

He felt an answering grin tug at his mouth, and he pushed all thoughts but her from his mind.

She took his hand, and they walked in together.

* * *

_Present Day…_

After they left the steamy confines of the bathroom, Mark and Lexie wrapped themselves in identical fluffy white robes.

"See, still sleeping like a baby," Lexie said, as they saw Matty on the bed in the same position he had been before.

"That's my boy," Mark said, causing Lexie to swat him with a chuckle.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I am going to dry my hair. Try to stay out of trouble."

Mark grinned innocently at her. After she had closed the door to the bathroom, and Mark could hear the gentle hum of the dryer, Mark took a deep breath and moved over to his luggage.

He dressed quickly, and as he did so, the good mood he had been in began to fade. This was going to be an awful day, he could feel it.

Mark fastened his watch onto his wrist and sighed. The tension which had evaporated with the shower had now returned in full force.

When the hair dryer turned off, Lexie stepped out of the bathroom. "Did you need anything else in here?" She asked. "If so, I am done."

Mark grunted, saying nothing.

Lexie walked over to her bag and began to change.

"Jesus, Lex," Mark swore. "Can't you do that in the bathroom? What if Matty woke up?"

Lexie frowned at him and pulled her sweater over her head. Now fully clothed, she turned to him and put her hands on her hips. "Okay, what's going on?" She hissed.

"Nothing," Mark said, turning away to grab his cell phone from the side table.

"You're lying," Lexie said. "You were fine ten minutes ago. What happened?"

Mark looked at her angry face and sighed. Her anger faded to concern as she looked at the myriad of emotions that seemed to flicker across Mark's face.

"What is it?" She asked, stepping close to him and resting a hand on his heart. "Why do you look like that?"

"It's just…" Mark trailed off. He didn't even know how to explain it to himself, let alone to her. "Being in this place again, you know?"

"What? Seattle?" Lexie asked, her brown eyes filled with understanding.

"Yeah, Seattle, the hospital, everything," Mark said. "I just…I don't like who I feel like when I am here."

"You seemed okay last night," Lexie said softly. "And this morning."

"I know," Mark said. "Being with you makes everything easier, but it doesn't change the fact that I have to go into the hospital today and tell everyone that I have been lying to them for years."

"Not everyone," Lexie said. "Just the people who need to know. And you don't have to do it alone, we can do it together."

"Derek found out I was married yesterday. Did I tell you that?"

Lexie shook her head.

"He found out about Matty too," Mark said. "It would have been the perfect time to tell him everything."

"So why didn't you?" Lexie asked him quietly.

"I don't know," Mark said. "Something stopped me. I had the perfect opportunity to tell him everything and I…I just couldn't."

A frown suddenly came over Lexie's face. "You didn't come back here for the surgery, did you?"

"What do you mean?" Mark asked.

"I mean there was more. More than a reconstruction that another doctor could have done, and more than coming back here to confront the past." Lexie sat down heavily on the bed. She seemed as if she was talking to herself now. "You have been so strange for the past two weeks, ever since..." She trailed off. "I thought it was just stress, but…there is another reason you returned, isn't there?"

Mark rubbed a hand over his beard and sighed. "Yeah, Lex, there is."

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**Review Please!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Morning Everyone. How about a nice cup of McSexie to start your day? I can't wait for the show tonight. Is it wrong that I hope such a pivotal MerDer and Izzie episode has some Mark&Lexie too? Anyway, this chapter picks up about two minutes after the last one ended. Part of the Mark&Lexie conversation has been excluded for obvious plot purposes, and because I am just mean like that. Don't worry, you'll get it eventually. LOL.  
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**Mary- Don't worry I wasn't offended, I am glad you liked the update! :)**

**jewelse96- Not everything is as it seems!**

**Cuime- I am so glad you are enjoying this, and I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

**Anyway, enjoy, and thanks for the reviews!**

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"Do you understand now?" Mark asked Lexie, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed.

She nodded tremulously, tears in her eyes. "I get it."

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't even know it myself until I got here," Mark said. "That first night when I saw Derek, I thought I was fine. I thought that the past was in the past, you know? But then I was so angry the next day and I couldn't figure it out. But I kept thinking of everything that led us to this point, of all the things that brought us here. I kept remembering it all in my head, you know? And I realized then that I didn't come here to take on a simple reconstruction. I came here because I had to."

Lexie stood and walked over to him, pulling him into her arms. He squeezed her tight, allowing the feel of her body to fill his senses. "You're not mad?" Mark asked, hesitantly.

"Why would I be mad?" Lexie asked. She touched her belly and smiled. "Our son and our daughter are very lucky to have you for a father."

Mark kissed her lips, and then pressed another to her forehead. "I have to go."

"I know you do," Lexie said, kissing him again.

"So I'll see you at lunch time?" Mark asked.

She nodded, and he left the hotel room, closing the door quietly behind him.

When he got to the hospital, Mark immediately paged Callie to the Attendings' lounge. He figured it would be easier to tell Callie all about Lexie and Matty first as she was likely to have the most favorable reaction.

"Mark? What the hell?" Callie said when she came into the room. "What the hell is so important that you had to page me this early? I was in the middle of rounds, and aren't you supposed to be prepping for your surgery?"

Mark waved dismissively. "I assigned some interns."

"What's up?" Callie asked, coming to sit on one of the couches next to him.

"I need to tell you about New York," Mark said, looking like a nervous little boy.

"O-_kay_," Callie said. "What about it?"

"I need to talk to you about my wife. I know you have a lot of questions."

"Yeah, probably because you haven't exactly been in share mode," Callie said sarcastically.

Mark smiled uneasily.

"Really, Mark," Callie said, checking her watch and standing. "Whatever it is can wait. I have rounds and two—"

"I married Lexie and we have a son together," Mark said calmly.

"Okay," Callie said, sitting back down. "Okay. Wow. Okay."

"I wanted to tell you," Mark said. "I did, I really did."

"Okay."

"But it never seemed to be the right time. You got so busy right after I left, and all our emails became short and brief. By the time we started talking more, it had already been six months and I was married with a pregnant wife. I didn't know how."

"Okay."

"I needed to tell you now because Lexie is here with our son, and we are telling Derek and Meredith today."

"Okay."

Mark sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I am going to need you to say something else, Callie."

"Okay."

"Callie!"

Callie jumped, but then she re-focused her shocked eyes onto him. "Let me get this straight. You married Lexie Grey, had a kid with her, kept it all a secret, and now the shit is all going to hit the fan today."

"In a nutshell," Mark said.

"Holy crap, Arizona picked a horrible time to have a day off."

Mark laughed. "So you are not mad?"

Callie's face fell, and her earlier humor was gone. "I…I'm hurt. I wish you had told me."

Mark nodded. "I'm sorry."

"You're happy, right?" Callie asked.

"Yeah," Mark said with a grin. "Really happy. You wanna see some pictures?"

Callie smiled, nodding. Mark went to his locker and pulled out his wallet. He then came back over to the couch and began flipping through the plastic billfold inserted inside. The pictures showed Mark and Lexie, Matty at various ages, and his favorite of the three of them a couple months ago in Central Park.

"He's beautiful, Mark," Callie said.

"Thanks," Mark said. "He looks like Lexie."

"I see you in there too," Callie replied.

"Well, I can just hope our daughter looks like me," Mark commented, putting his wallet away.

"Wait…what?" Callie asked.

"Lexie's four months pregnant," Mark said.

"That is so great! We are going to have daughters the same age!" Callie exclaimed with glee.

"Yeah, I guess we will," Mark said, surprised at her enthusiastic reaction.

"Torres and Sloan, the next generation."

Mark laughed. "Now there is a scary thought."

"Man, I can't believe this. Who would have thought we would both be all happy and glowy four years ago when we were drowning our sorrows at Joe's trying not to 'go to Denver'?"

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'bright and shiny'. We are both bright and shiny." Mark said with a rueful grin. "Lexie says it all the time; she picked it up from Meredith."

Callie smiled. "When you say her name, your face lights up."

"It's nice being able to talk about it," Mark replied.

"Guess this was what you meant when you said you couldn't live without her despite trying."

"Yeah," Mark said. "I have never been as grateful as the day she showed up in New York and informed me that she wasn't going anywhere." He smirked. "I have been blissfully happy ever since."

"You suck," Callie said. "Here I was all proud of myself for getting to a semi-healthy place with Arizona after four years of back and forth, and you have been disgustingly happy this whole time."

Mark chuckled. "Well, if it helps there were those two months we were apart and miserable."

Callie sniffed. "Yeah, it does help a little bit."

He grinned at her. "Besides, we have had our ups and downs."

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_Four Years Earlier…_

In the course of his life, these had to be the longest three minutes he had ever experienced. They beat the time he got in a fight and waited outside the principal's office to see if he was expelled from school. They beat the time he confessed his love to Addison and she sat staring at him in dumbfounded silence. And they beat the time he had a patient crash and die during a routine rhinoplasty. All of those had been excruciating, but this was sheer agony.

Lexie sat next to him on the bed, twisting her hands in the fabric of the green scrubs she still hadn't changed out of. Her eyes seemed to be looking everywhere, until they finally settled on his. "What if it's positive?" Lexie asked, biting her lip.

"Then it's positive," Mark stated. "We won't know until the time is up."

"And if it is…what then?"

"Let's deal with that when there is something to deal with," Mark said gravely. He started to bounce his left leg, but stopped when Lexie shot him a look.

"How can you be so calm?" Lexie asked.

"Would it be more comforting to you if I panicked?" Mark replied sarcastically.

"Yes! Because at least then I would know what you are feeling!" She returned.

"Well, sorry I can't be all drama all the time."

"Are you saying I'm dramatic?" Lexie asked with narrowed eyes.

"Well, if the shoe fits, sweetheart."

"You are unbelievable! Me, dramatic! Please, you are the one who threw a temper tantrum last week when the Tivo didn't record the Giants game."

"It was a playoff game!" Mark snapped.

Lexie rolled her eyes. "Cause that makes it okay."

"Really? Really!? You think me getting mad about that is ridiculous? How about the way you shout at the TV whenever one of your favorite people gets kicked off American Idol?"

"That's different!"

"How?" Mark asked.

"It just is!" Lexie yelled.

"You are unbelievable!" Mark yelled back as he stood.

"Yeah, well, you're worse."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

The alarm on Mark's watch chose that moment to go off. The anger faded from both of their faces as Mark looked at his wife nervously. "It's time."

Lexie rushed over to the side table, and picked up the small rectangular stick. She flipped it over, and a smile lit her face. Turning around to face Mark, she grinned. "We are going to have a baby!"

Mark laughed and ran to Lexie, picking her up and swinging her around. They were both still grinning, when Mark put her down and cupped her face in his hands. "I love you," He said.

"I love you too," Lexie said softly, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

Mark returned the kiss, the anger that had been between them before turning quickly to passion. He lifted her in his arms, and cupped her bottom when she wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned quickly and fell with her onto the bed. Soon, clothes were flying.

When Mark moved to undo the button on his pants, Lexie stilled his hands with her own. He looked at her in confusion, but then stopped as he saw the look in her eyes. They were beyond apologetic, and mixed with heady desire.

"I'm sorry," She said.

"Me too."

"I was nervous."

"So was I."

Lexie sat up, bringing her face close to his and kissed him again, much more softly than before. The feel of her lips and tongue against his was drugging to Mark in the way that only she could be. "Mark…" She murmured

"Hmmm?"

"You do get over emotional about sports," She said with a giggle.

Mark grinned at her. "And you get nutty about American Idol."

She smiled and said, "Don't worry, I love you anyway."

"Ditto," He said with a smirk. Mark rubbed her belly gently, giving her a happy smile. Then his hands then slowly drifted up the soft skin of her ribcage, to the front clasp of her bra. He flicked it open with easy precision. She groaned when one of his hands covered her right breast. Mark leaned down and flicked the pink nipple with his tongue. He then pulled back and looked at her. "We've talked enough, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Lexie said, before pulling his head back to her own.

* * *

_Present Day…_

Callie left the lounge twenty minutes later, but only after she had Mark promise to page her when Lexie arrived. Mark headed towards the OR, tying on his scrub cap as he walked. When he reached the scrub room, Mark prepared to scrub in when Derek opened the door.

"Hi," Derek said, coming into the room. "I thought you might need a hand working with Andrew Devons."

"Since when do you do facial reconstructions?" Mark asked, raising his left eyebrow.

"I don't," Derek replied.

There was a part of him that wanted to accept Derek's help, to take that step to rebuilding their friendship, but there was another part entirely that reminded him he was not here to be friends with him again. He was here to make amends, not to restore their friendship.

"I don't need help," Mark said. When Derek's face fell and became guarded, Mark clarified, "But I do need to talk to you. It's important."

Derek looked at him quizzically. "What about?"

Mark moved over to the sink and began the scrub in procedure. He tried to push his anger aside as he spoke. "Everything, really. We need to clear the air."

"I thought that was what we had been doing since you got back," Derek commented. "We've been talking so much I think my jaw is sore."

Mark smirked. "Even so, there is something else we need to talk about, but I don't have time now. Will you meet me around eleven? I should be done by then."

"Okay," Derek said. "For lunch?"

"No, I have lunch plans. But I want to talk to you before that."

Derek nodded and left the room.

Mark finished scrubbing his hands and sighed. He now had until eleven to torture himself about what he was going to say to Derek.

It was going to be a long morning.

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**Review Please!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi Everybody! Now that Lexie is officially out in the story, I wanted to show her prespective a little more which is why this chapter deviates from its normal format. Sad we didn't get McSexie scenes last night (at least they were on a case together), let's hope for some next time. Thanks for all the reviews, I am glad everybody is still enjoying it. Also, I am not _trying_ to drag anything out, the info in this chapter is necessary...**

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For some surgeons, operating in a different hospital than their own would have been unnerving, but it had never been that way for Mark. It didn't matter if he was at New York Presbyterian, Seattle Grace, or any of the hundreds of other hospitals in between. The nurses could be different, and his instruments could all be in the wrong spot, but none of that came close to changing the way he did his work. There was a sort of communion that happened when he was in the ER. Much in the way that Derek could ignore everything else and just work, so could Mark. He lost all ideas of time when he was in his OR, which accounted for the fact that he was currently running forty-five minutes behind and had no idea.

Mark rotated his shoulders, almost finished closing. As he was making his final stitches on Andrew Devons' new face, Mark's pager went off on the tray where it was resting.

"Call it back, would you?" He asked Olivia who was one of the many nurses assisting him. It had been strange to see familiar faces mixed in with new ones in the OR, but Mark was getting used to it and trying not to focus on anything but his patient.

Olivia nodded and walked over to the phone on the wall. After a quiet conversation, she gave a startled "What? That is not possible!" She then listened again and sighed. Turning to Mark, she said from behind her mask, "Dr. Sloan, there is a woman at the nurses' station on twenty who says she is your wife. She has a little boy with her." Olivia's voice held the skepticism as to the possibility of what she was saying.

Mark's head snapped up. "What time is it?"

"Five minutes to twelve," Olivia said, startled by his question and not the automatic denial she had been expecting.

"Crap," Mark said. "Tell my wife I will be there in five minutes; ask her to wait where she is. And then page Dr. Shepherd and tell him my surgery ran long."

Olivia rushed to do his bidding, as Mark stepped away from the table. Now finished, he snapped some instructions at the resident and intern on the case, and then left the OR, not aware of the flurry of whispering he had left in his wake. After scrubbing out and putting his wedding ring back on, Mark hurried through the halls, eager to get down to the nurses' station before anyone else saw Lexie.

But when Mark walk through the double doors leading to his wife, he learned something about the best laid of plans…

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_Three Years Earlier_…

"Hello?" Mark's voice sounded scratchy over the phone.

"Mark? It's Meredith."

Mark sat up in bed, suddenly alert. He had never expected to hear Meredith's voice again. Holding tight to his cell phone, Mark quietly left his bedroom, trying not to disturb Lexie.

Once he had stepped out into the quiet of the hallway, Mark said, "Meredith, why are you calling me at four in the morning?"

"Derek has been in a car accident," She said calmly.

Mark felt his stomach drop. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he has a broken rib and a laceration to his right arm though." Meredith paused, and Mark could practically hear the wheels in her head spinning. "He doesn't know I am making this phone call, Mark, but I know he would like to see you. He misses you."

_I miss him too_, Mark thought. But then that feeling was quickly replaced by the anger and hurt that he still felt for all that Derek had done. Finally, he managed, "What do you want me to say, Meredith?"

"I want you to say you will come."

"What?"

"Come to see him," Meredith said. "I know he would appreciate it."

"I…" Mark trailed off. How could he go to see Derek when the last time he had seen him here in New York he had to refrain from punching him? And Derek still hadn't apologized. He sighed. "I don't know."

"Please," Meredith said.

Mark realized this was the first time he had ever heard her sound emotional, her earlier calm now gone. "It wouldn't change anything."

"I know that," Meredith said. "You think I don't know that? It doesn't change the fact that he needs you now, Mark. He's family."

Mark swallowed the denial that rose in the back of his throat. "I don't know," He said again.

"You need to be here, Mark. When family needs you, you need to be there. I don't know a lot, but Derek taught me that much."

Mark felt himself fill with anger again. Who did Meredith think she was lecturing him on the importance of family? He bit back a nasty retort and instead replied, "I can't make any promises, things are…complicated now."

"I won't tell him your coming, but will you…try?"

"I'll try," Mark finally agreed, wishing to himself that he had never picked up the phone.

"Thanks," Meredith said. "Bye."

"Bye," Mark repeated as they both hung up the phone.

He sighed to himself as he looked down at the now vacant screen on his phone.

"Who was that?"

Mark turned to see Lexie standing in the doorway in her favorite nightgown, her belly distended from nine months of pregnancy.

"The hospital," Mark said. He hated lying to her, but he didn't want to mention Meredith and remind Lexie of the fact that she hadn't spoken to her sister in nearly a year, especially in her condition.

"Oh," Lexie said. "Do you have to go in?"

"No, I'm good," Mark responded. "Let's go back to bed." He moved to take her hand, when Lexie suddenly made a face. "What is it?"

She rubbed the lower part of her belly, and then shook her head. "Nothing, just Braxton Hicks, I think."

"Oh," Mark responded. "Is there anything I can do?"

"You can—oh!"

Mark and Lexie looked down to see a murky fluid collecting on the floor by her feet. She lifted her eyes to his. "I think we should go to the hospital now."

"Was that your water?" Mark asked, his voice beginning to edge towards panic.

Lexie nodded. "Yep, time for us to go." She then turned and walked back into their bedroom and calmly began to get dressed. "I can't believe this is what my patients are always screaming about. This is nothing so far!"

Mark shook his head with a smile and followed after his wife. All thoughts of Derek, and a trip he would never make, fled from his mind.

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_Present Day_…

Lexie had tried to fill up her morning with as much activity as possible. Despite waking up at four because of Mark, she seemed to be full of energy which suited Matty just fine. After he woke, Lexie took Matty to see Molly and his cousin Laura. The children played together while Molly and Lexie sipped herbal tea and gossiped. Matty then decided he liked having a sibling and informed Lexie he wanted an older sister as soon as possible. He was quite perturbed to learn that his sister would be younger than him and unable to play until she got bigger.

After a tearful goodbye with her sister, Lexie took Matty to the Space Needle, following the lift to the top. Matty had no fear, and Lexie thought it was better to allow him adventure with careful supervision rather than to be one of those mothers who were always afraid of everything that their children did.

Though the hours seemed endless, eleven-thirty did eventually come, and Lexie steered Matty towards Seattle Grace.

When Lexie saw the hospital for the first time in four years, she felt nostalgia fill her as she looked at the façade. "Look Matty," Lexie said to her son who was holding onto her hand tightly. "This is where Mommy and Daddy worked before you were born. This is where we met."

Matty looked unimpressed. "Daddy's here?"

"Yep," Lexie said. "We are just going to go inside and have him paged."

"And then lunchtime?" Matty asked.

Lexie laughed at her son's one-track mind. "And then lunchtime."

Once they stepped into the hospital, Lexie guided Matty over to the bank of elevators, and lifted him so he could press the call button. When the empty car arrived, they stepped on and Matty rushed to look at all the buttons.

"I want to push it!" Matty said, causing Lexie to smile and whisper to him which one to push. Once he had accomplished his task, Matty ran to the back of the elevator where is mother waiting. He took her hand and grinned. "Did you see, Mommy?"

"Yeah, I saw, sweetie."

Soon, people began getting on and off the elevator as it made its ascent to the twentieth floor. None of them paid attention to the woman and small child in the back. When they reached their floor, Lexie held tight to Matty's hand and walked over to the Nurses' station.

"Hi," Lexie said to a nurse she didn't recognize. "Would you page Dr. Sloan for me?"

The nurse looked at her curiously. "What is this regarding?"

"I'm his wife," Lexie said with a smile.

The nurse nodded and sent the page. After a moment the phone rang, and the nurse spoke quietly into the receiver. There seemed to be some disagreement on the other end, but eventually she relayed her message. When she had hung up the phone, she turned to Lexie and said, "He just closed in his surgery. He said he would be here in five minutes."

Lexie smiled and thanked the nurse. She looked down when she felt Matty tugging on her hand.

"Where is Daddy?"

"He's coming," Lexie said.

"When?" Matty asked.

"Right now," Lexie said.

"Lexie?"

Lexie turned at the sound of her name, starting in surprise when she saw Meredith standing there wearing a look of surprise equal to her own.

"Meredith," Lexie said.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked, her eyes coming to rest for the first time on the little boy hiding behind her leg. She looked down at the nephew she had never met, and only heard about once or twice during their sporadic phone calls.

Lexie never answered the question because at that moment, Derek walked up. He didn't notice Lexie at first, but handed a small black object to Meredith. "You forgot your pager in my office," Derek said.

Meredith smiled uneasily at him, causing him to notice Lexie for the first time.

They stared at each other for a moment surprise and wariness on both of their faces, until Derek recovered first.

"Lexie! It is so good to see you again," Derek said, his tone suggesting it wasn't quite as good as he would wish her to believe.

Lexie inclined her head politely. "Derek."

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked, but his voice trailed off as he noticed the little boy clinging to her hand. He crouched down so that he was eye level with the child, and when he spoke his voice was low. He had known Lexie had a child, but seeing him up close was shocking. "Who is this?"

Lexie looked between Derek and Matty and said, "This is my son."

Derek looked up at Lexie then, unsure of what the look on her face meant. He felt anxious, wanting to do the right thing but not knowing what that thing was. Then Derek's pager went off and he was suddenly forced to think about what he had done which forced Lexie from the hospital in the first place. After reading Mark's page, Derek looked at Lexie and said, "Lexie, there is something you should know."

"Yes?"

"Mark's back. He is here for a case," Derek said, looking at her as if he was sorry for the trouble it would cause her. "I just wanted you to know."

Lexie looked at him quizzically. "Thanks Derek, but I already knew."

"You did?" Meredith and Derek asked together.

"Yes," Lexie said with a nod. "It's why I am here."

Derek frowned. "What do you—"

"Daddy!" Matty suddenly yelled, yanking his hand from Lexie's and running across floor towards two double doors which Mark had just walked through.

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**Review Please!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello everyone! Thank you for all the reviews. You guys are wonderful. This chapter is one of my favorites, and I hope you like it as well. **

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When Mark walked through the double doors, he heard his favorite word in all the world.

"Daddy!"

Looking down, Mark smiled at his laughing son who ran towards him at full speed. With the practice of many years, Mark caught him and lifted him into the air. Matty giggled happily all the while.

Neither of them noticed the many observers they had.

"I missed you, Daddy!" Matty exclaimed, locking his arms around his father's neck.

"I missed you too," Mark said to his son once he had been settled onto his hip, the way he always did when he picked him up. Mark kissed the top of his head and grinned at him. "Sorry, I didn't get to eat breakfast with you this morning."

"S'okay," Matty said. "But you missed SpongeBob Square Pants." Matty giggled when he said the name of his favorite cartoon.

"I did?!" Mark exclaimed. "Oh no! Well, you are just going to have to tell me all about the adventures of SpongeBob and Patrick."

Matty's face lit up as it always did when Mark spoke to him in the way that only Mark could. "It was really good!"

"I am sure it was," Mark said. "I am sorry I missed it."

"Why'd you miss it, Daddy?" Matty asked, his head cocked to the side.

"I had to get up really early to go into surgery," Mark told him.

"Did you fix a face?" Matty asked, excitedly.

Mark laughed, "That's right buddy. I fixed a face." He smoothed back Matty's unruly curls. "Did you have a good time with Aunt Molly and Laura?"

"Uh-huh," Matty replied, drawing out the syllables. "Guess what, Daddy?"

"What?" Mark replied, as he had many times before.

"Laura and me played Cowboys and Indians, and I got to be the Cowboy, 'cause she can't be 'cause she's a girl. And then we watched Nemo!"

"Wow!" Mark said, smiling. "You had an even busier morning than I did."

"Uh-huh," Matty said, taking a breath as his lungs tried to keep up with his mouth. "And then…and then I told Mommy that I wanted a big sister, but Mommy said I can't cause the baby is going to be littler than me!"

He chuckled. "That's right, but she will grow quickly, I promise."

"Guess what, Daddy?" Matty asked again, falling quickly into the rhythm of his favorite game with his father.

"What?" Mark asked.

"Aunt Molly says I am too damn cute for my own good!"

Mark laughed, his shoulders shaking as Matty looked at him with confusion on his face.

"What's so funny, Daddy?" Matty asked.

Mark just shook his head, trying to press his smiling lips together. He said, "Where's Mommy?"

Matty lifted his small arm and pointed. "Over there."

Mark looked where he was pointing to see Lexie standing with Meredith and Derek less than twenty feet away. Lexie was smiling at him, but Derek and Meredith looked shocked. Mark smiled uneasily and made his way over to them with Matty in his arms.

* * *

_Three Years Earlier…_

"I can't believe you did that in four hours," Mark said, looking at his watch.

Lexie grinned. "What can I say, I am a professional."

He rolled his eyes. "At delivering babies, not having them."

"Same difference," Lexie said with the wave of her hand. "Where are they? They should have brought him back by now, right?"

"Relax," Mark said, resuming his seat by her side. "They are just taking him to be weighed and cleaned."

"Maybe you should have gone with him," Lexie said, anxiously biting her lip to keep it from trembling. Mark marveled at the change in her demeanor so quickly, but he ignored it, knowing it was caused by her fluctuating hormones.

"Four hours," Mark said, kissing her head. "You're a champ, hun."

Lexie wrinkled her nose. "Hun?"

"Still a no go?" Mark smirked.

"I liked sweetie," Lexie said.

"No, it didn't feel right," Mark said. "What about darling?"

"You can't be serious," Lexie deadpanned.

Mark sighed. "Maybe we should just go back to Little Grey and call it a day."

"No," Lexie said stubbornly. "I'm not Little Grey anymore, and you are right Little Sloan _is_ creepy. We will just have to find something else."

Mark leaned over and kissed her. "How about dearest?" Kiss. "Angel?" Kiss. "Sweetheart?" Kiss. "Baby?"

"Hmm, guess you'll just have to call me Lexie and surrender," Lexie said, kissing him back.

"Surrender, never!" Mark declared before kissing her again.

The door to Lexie's room opened then, and the nurse came in pushing a bassinet with their newborn son inside. Lexie smiled, and held out her arms for the baby.

"Here you go, Dr. Sloan," The nurse said, easing her bundle into Lexie's arms.

"Thank you, Mary," Lexie murmured, looking down adoringly at the sleeping baby in her arms.

Mark eased onto the bed to wrap his arms around Lexie, letting her rest her weight against his chest.

The nurse smiled at the little family, and eased out of the room.

Lexie ran her pinkie finger over her son's cheek with a smile. Without looking up, she said, "Thank you for trying to distract me."

"I am sure I don't know what you mean," Mark replied, kissing his wife's hair.

"You do know," Lexie said, looking up then and giving him a soft smile. "Thank you."

The look in her eyes made him feel like he had just hung the moon and stars. There was such an honesty in the way that she looked at him. As if she knew how much he needed love his entire life, and now she never wanted to hide a single emotion from him so that he would always know how much she loved him. Mark kissed her nose, wondering if it was possible to die from being too happy.

"Want to hold him?" Lexie asked, before shifting her precious cargo into his arms.

"Come here, little guy," He said, easing his son into his arms. The baby was sleeping, but it didn't matter to Mark. He was the most beautiful thing Mark had ever beheld. He already had a thatch of brown hair upon his head, rosy cheeks, and the tiniest fingers that the baby had wrapped tightly around Mark's pinky. He felt completely unworthy and utterly grateful to be holding this tiny life in his arms.

For his entire life, Mark had never had someone who was completely dependent on him. He had always been an island, a person who didn't need anyone and whom no one needed. But then Lexie came along and he learned he wasn't alone. He learned that he needed her, and it was a humbling thing. And now, she had given him the greatest gift he could ever have hoped to get. Someone who needed him, unconditionally.

He belonged to a family now.

Turning to his wife, Mark smiled. "I owe you a thank you."

She smiled and brushed her hair behind her ears. "Well, I owe you one too, so let's just call it even."

"He's perfect," Mark said, gently kissing his son's tiny forehead. Looking at Lexie, he asked, "What do you want to call him?"

"Dylan," Lexie said. "After you."

"Dylan Matthew," Mark countered. "After me _and_ my grandfather. The one I liked."

"Quite a mouthful for a little boy," Lexie said with an indulgent smile.

"So will call him Matt," Mark said.

"Matty," Lexie replied.

"Matty," Mark said, sounding as though he was rolling the name around on his tongue. He smiled and nodded. "I like it."

"Me too," Lexie said, gazing at the two most important people in her life with absolute love in her eyes.

"Hi there, Matty," He murmured, looking down at his son. "I'm your Daddy."

* * *

_Present Day…_

Lexie broke away from Derek and Meredith and met Mark and Matty halfway. Mark's face softened as she walked towards him. Once she reached him, he leaned down to give her a quick kiss.

"Not quite how we wanted this to go," Mark murmured.

"Oh well," Lexie replied quietly. "C'est la vie."

Derek and Meredith trailed after her. As they neared, Mark saw the curious look on Meredith's face and the deep hurt on Derek's.

There was silence between the four of them at first, with Matty happily digging through the pockets of his father's lab coat, playing with first the flashlight and then the stethoscope that he found.

"You two are together," Meredith stated.

Mark and Lexie nodded. She stepped closer to her husband and took his free hand.

"You two have _been_ together," Meredith continued.

They nodded again. Mark squeezed Lexie's hand when he could hear her breath begin to get shallow.

"What about Boston? And Massachusetts General?" Meredith asked.

"I never went to Boston," Lexie said, stating the obvious. "I went to New York. We both have worked at New York Presbyterian for the past four years."

"Oh," Meredith replied.

Mark suddenly yelped at the feel of cold metal against the patch of skin just under the collar of his scrubs. He looked down to see Matty pressing a stethoscope there, the buds in his small ears. "Whatcha doing, Monkey?" Mark asked, looking down at his son.

"I'm listening to your heart, Daddy! It's really loud!"

Mark chuckled, and plucked the buds out of his ears. "Your heart is loud too, buddy."

Matty grinned at him, and then tested his father's statement.

Derek, meanwhile, seemed to be examining the three of them. His eyes went back and forth as he looked at the matching rings on their fingers, and the casual way they were with each other. He then looked at Matty, who was an equal mix of both of them: Mark's hair type, Lexie's hair color; Mark's blue eyes, Lexie's eye shape; Mark's full lips, Lexie's stubborn chin; Mark's round face, Lexie's high cheekbones. Once his eyes stopped studying Matty, they moved to the casual way that Lexie leaned into Mark as if they had done it many times before.

"So…you two have been together all along," Derek finally said, breaking his silence. His eyes were full of regret and pain, suddenly looking much older than his forty-two years.

Meredith looked at them expectantly for an answer.

"Not all along," Mark conceded eventually. "There was a two month period after I left here that we weren't."

"And you got married…when?" Derek seemed to be searching for a way to understand everything.

"Two and a half months after Mark left," Lexie said with a fond smile. She then looked down at her son, and smoothed his hair. "And then Matty came along ten months after that."

Matty looked up and smiled cheekily at the sound of his name.

Lexie smiled at him. "Sweetie, this is your Aunt Meredith and Uncle Derek."

Meredith smiled awkwardly at Matty but didn't correct Lexie on the status of her relationship with Derek. Matty furrowed his small brows into a frown and looked at Meredith suspiciously. "Is she my Auntie like Aunt Molly or like Aunt Lindsay?"

"Like Aunt Molly," Lexie told him. "She is my sister too...just like Aunt Molly."

Matty tucked his face into the space between Mark's neck and shoulder.

"He can be shy," Lexie told her sister. Meredith nodded and shifted on her feet, as if she was preparing to run.

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Matty said, lifting his face.

"That's right, I promised you lunch," Mark said with an easy smile. "Come on, buddy. They have great Mac n' Cheese in the cafeteria."

Matty's face lit up at the mention of his favorite food. Mark then looked at Derek and Meredith. "Would you like to join us?"

Meredith begged off, and Derek made some excuse. Mark's face revealed nothing, but Lexie knew he felt some disappointment. Mark couldn't see it, but Lexie noticed the way Derek was looking at his friend with regret. She sighed to herself; if only they both weren't so stubborn. As mad as she was at Derek for what he had done to her and Mark, Lexie would be willing to let it go in a minute for Mark's sake.

After nodding awkwardly at Derek, the three of them headed to the elevators, with Matty chatting happily to his father. None of them saw Derek's sad eyes follow them.

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**A/N: Just so you know, Lexie's short labor is true to life. My mother's best friend was in labor for three and a half hours. Totally unfair, I know. **

**Anyway, Review Please!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Morning Everyone! Sorry there is no bromatic reunion for Derek and Mark in this chapter, just some bromance angst and SGH fluff. There's a method to the madness, I promise! A quick note, in this story, Mark preformed his face transplant after he was at NYPH. Also, there is some dialog in this chapter you might recognize, the wonderful words that started it all! Enjoy!**

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As the elevator made its descent, Mark was glad for the stead stream of chatter that his son kept up. His enthusiasm was so great that he didn't mind that his father's mind seemed to be somewhere else. Lexie automatically sensed Mark's disturbance, and kept their son occupied answering his many questions and comments quickly. Mark was grateful for the way his wife always seemed to know what he was thinking.

In the early days of their marriage, he had been so afraid of hurting her feelings. They had just made this huge jump from not seeing each other for two months to being married and living together. Mark had feared that their relationship couldn't handle any more pressure, so he had avoided talking to Lexie about problems at work or when she would do something to annoy him, like leave her dishes in the sink without rinsing them. He had bottled it all up, thinking if they didn't have to deal with the problems then they would just go away.

This lasted for about a week.

By some power, and Mark knew not what, Lexie seemed to sense that things were off. So one day, he came home to a hot meal Lexie had made, followed by raucous sex in the kitchen. Afterward, when they were lying on the tile floor together, Lexie had quietly inquired as to what was wrong. And Mark had told her.

Everything.

He had started speaking, and gone on for about an hour about how his job was stressing him out, how he worried that Lexie would regret her decisions regarding him and the surgical program, how living together was harder than he had anticipated, and how he feared he wasn't being a very good husband. And Lexie had listened. And then she spoke and confessed to him that she thought all the same things about herself.

That had been a turning point in their relationship. Before, they had only been bonded together by love and passion. After that conversation, their relationship became so much more than that. It was about caring and listening, compassion and understanding. Lexie had made all the wild thoughts in his head come together into a coherent whole, and kept the dark thoughts at bay.

It was for this reason that she understood where his mind was now. And she knew not to pry. For Mark would never keep anything from her if she asked, and later, if he wanted to, he would talk about it.

But he wouldn't need to talk about it for her to know who he was thinking about.

She knew it was Derek.

And she was right. His thoughts were centered on his former best friend who had not reacted in any way he could have anticipated. Mark had been prepared for a blowup, or any type of anger. He had even anticipated betrayal to flicker in Derek's eyes, but that was not what he had seen there.

Instead, it had been hurt.

Deep, utter, unmitigated hurt. The kind that curls in from your belly and travels through your veins until it feels like it is cutting off the circulation to your heart.

That was what he had seen in Derek's eyes.

And now Mark felt guilty, and that angered him more than anything else.

It wasn't his fault what happened all those years ago. Derek set this whole thing in motion, right? He didn't deserve what happened to him, Mark convinced himself. Mark believed this to be true, but part of him didn't wonder if he had been the one to keep it going, and not Derek. He had been so petty, especially that day that Derek came to New York. Would it really have killed him to let Derek in so he could apologize?

And later, when he and Lexie reconciled and married, why hadn't he called Derek right away? Why hadn't he told him when Matty was born? Derek couldn't have done anything to them then. They were happy, and why had they needed to keep that from him?

Mark hated the guilt that seemed to be setting in, but now he wondered if he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life in shutting Derek out. Really, in the end…what had they been fighting for?

All he could think of now was how he had allowed his anger to make him much smaller than it should have.

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_Three Years Earlier…_

"Un-fucking-believable!" Mark spat loudly, staring at his laptop.

"Mark!" Lexie hissed. "The baby!"

"What?" Mark snapped. "It is not like he understands me."

"That is _so_ not the point," Lexie said. She set the sleeping infant down in his bassinet and crossed the living room to where Mark was sitting on the couch. She sat down on the leather sofa beside him, and asked, "What's wrong?"

Mark sighed, and turned the laptop so that she could see.

Lexie read aloud from the screen, "'Derek Shepherd, a pioneering neurosurgeon, has been awarded the Harper Avery.' Oh, Mark," Lexie said with a sigh. "You know that plastic surgeons are never given those types of awards."

"I know that," Mark said, moving the laptop onto the coffee table. "You think I don't know that? That doesn't make it any easier to stomach the fact that I deserve it."

"Of course you do," Lexie said, stroking his hair. "You are the most gifted surgeon I have ever known, not to mention the most respected plastic surgeon on the East Coast, and one of the few surgeons who has ever preformed a successful face transplant." Noticing that his expression didn't changed, Lexie sighed. "What is this really about?"

"Why did it have to be Shepherd?" Mark blurted out.

"What?"

"Of all the surgeons in America, why the hell did it have to be him?" He sighed. "Coates and Erickson have done some great things in Cardiothoracics. Why did it have to be a neurosurgeon? Why Derek and his stupid freaking perfect hair?"

She tried not to laugh at his petulant expression. "I read in the AMA Journal that his clinical trial is having great success," Lexie murmured. "It probably has something to do with that."

Mark nodded. "I just wish…"

"What?" Lexie asked, smoothing his hair again. "What do you wish?"

"I don't know," Mark said.

"You wish that he wasn't moving on as well?" Lexie asked.

Mark nodded. "He was in a car accident not long ago."

"Really? How did you hear that?"

"Meredith called me," Mark admitted. "The night Matty was born. I would have told you, but I didn't want you to stress."

Lexie continued to stroke his hair, saying nothing.

"It might sound horrible," Mark said, speaking quietly. "But I took that as a sign."

"A sign of what?" Lexie asked.

"I don't know, maybe a sign of that he was being punished," Mark said. "A sign that he was worse off without me in his life."

"He is worse off without you in his life," Lexie said loyally. "I know he is."

"Yeah," Mark said, not sounding as though he believed it. "I am just still so… After everything, I am still mad. I wanted to believe that Derek was the one missing out, you know?"

Lexie smiled sadly, squeezing his hand.

"I'm sorry," Mark suddenly said. "I think I am having a really weak moment right now. I don't actually wish him harm."

"I know," Lexie said soothingly. "You are feeling disappointed. You're allowed to have weak moments every now and then, Mark."

His eyes met hers. "I don't like to."

"I know that too," Lexie replied. "But that doesn't mean you don't need one from time to time."

Mark sighed, and they settled together like that, with her still stroking his hair and his head resting against her chest.

"It gets easier," Lexie said eventually.

"What?" He asked, his voice rough.

"Letting people go."

Mark was silent for a very long time. Resting against his wife's warm body, Derek Shepherd seemed a million miles away. But even now, through that distance, through his jealousy and anger…he missed him.

He finally sighed. "I'm not sure I want it to get easier."

"I know," Lexie said with a sympathetic smile.

"He still has stupid hair!"

* * *

_Present Day…_

Once they reached the cafeteria, Mark pulled himself from his dark thoughts and focused his attention on his wife and son. They quickly procured Matty's desired Mac n' Cheese, along with a healthier sandwich and salad for both Mark and Lexie. Once they were seated at a table, Mark pulled out his phone and paged Callie.

"She wanted to meet Matty and see you again," Mark explained as he placed the page.

Lexie smiled. "It will be good to see her again. I always like Dr. Torres."

"She's pregnant too, you know," Mark commented. "Five months, I think."

"Really?" She asked with a gentle smile. "That's wonderful. Is she still with that doctor she was seeing when I left? They had just started dating…what was the name? Robbins?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah, Arizona Robbins. Peds surgeon."

"Yes, that's right," Lexie said, taking a bite of her sandwich. She then looked at Matty who seemed to be getting as much food on himself as in his mouth. "Doing alright there?"

"Yep," Matty said with a toothy grin. "Yummy."

Mark took a fork and stole a bite of his son's food. "You're right, it is yummy."

"Daddy!" Matty exclaimed, giving his father a pretend frown. "Not nice."

His father just grinned at him, and slipped Matty one of his potato chips.

"Mark," Lexie admonished. "His lunch can't be all starch."

"Relax, Lex. He's on vacation."

Lexie rolled her eyes with a smile.

The three of them sat there eating, unaware of the audience that they had. On one side of the cafeteria, a group of nurses had gathered, whispering together. On the other side were a collection of surgical residents who remembered Lexie from when she had been one of them. Both groups were shocked by the domestic portrait they were witnessing. Finally, one of the residents gathered the courage to go and talk to their former peer.

"Lexie?" Ryan asked, coming to stop by the table with half a sandwich in his hand.

Lexie looked up. "Ryan? Wow, it's been a long time."

He nodded, shifting on his feet awkwardly. "So how ya been?"

"Good," Lexie said. "Real good."

"What hospital are you at now?" Ryan asked, his gaze darting to Mark and her son.

"New York Presbyterian," Lexie said. "Mark and I both work there." Turning to her husband, she said, "Do you remember Dr. Spalding?"

"No," Mark said shortly.

Lexie rolled her eyes at him and turned back to Ryan. "Anyway, I have been there for a while."

Ryan nodded. "Cute kid."

"Thanks, his name is Matty." Lexie turned to her son. "Tell him how old you are, sweetie."

Matty sipped his juice box and held up three fingers with an expression on his face similar to Mark's.

"That's nice," Ryan said slowly and loudly, as if Matty couldn't hear him. He then turned to Lexie, "Well, it was nice to see you again. Are you here for very long?"

Lexie shook her head. "Another day or two at most. It was good to see you too."

Once Ryan had walked away, Lexie rounded on Mark with a raised eyebrow. "'No'? That is all you had to say?"

Mark looked at her innocently. "What?"

Lexie grinned, a playful look coming over her face. "You know, you could have been a little nicer to Ryan."

"You're an obstetrician," Mark said, a smirk on his face. "Why are you talking to me?"

"I just thought…well, you are my husband," Lexie said, trying not to laugh.

"What? You thought that makes us friends?" Mark asked. "You thought you could defend your ex-colleague to me and I'd just take it?"

They both suddenly started laughing, causing Matty to look back and forth between them with a frown on his face.

Mark leaned over their son's head, cupping Lexie's face in his hands. "You know, you are lucky that I love you. Otherwise, I would think you were a pain in the ass."

"Ditto," Lexie responded, her eyes warm. "And watch your language, buster."

"Yes, ma'am," Mark said, before kissing her softly, brushing their noses and foreheads together as his hands moved to the back of her head.

"Get a room!"

Mark and Lexie looked up to see Callie standing there with a smile on her face.

"Dr. Torres!" Lexie exclaimed, getting up to hug Callie and laughing when their protruding stomachs bumped.

Mark nodded at Callie. "Hey kid."

"Hey, yourself," Callie responded with a smile, sitting down at the table.

"Matty," Mark said. "This is Callie. She helps fix bones here at the hospital."

Matty looked suitably impressed and gave Callie a shy smile.

Callie grinned back and then turned to Mark. "Uh-oh, he has your smile, Sloan. This one is going to be a heart breaker, just like his papa."

"I know, it's dangerous, right?" Lexie commented, smoothing down Matty's hair as Mark smiled at the both of them.

Callie shook her head, and then said, "So are you two aware that the three of you have caused quite a stir here today?"

"What do you mean?" Lexie asked.

"Well, it appears your husband might have announced, to the entire OR, during his surgery that he was married, without any warning, and now it is spreading like wildfire."

"Why?" Mark asked with a raised eyebrow. "Who could possibly care about us? We're boring, trust me."

Lexie swatted him, and turned back to Callie. "I see the gossip is still as crazy as ever."

"Oh, no doubt of that," Callie said. "Our nurses don't actually even bother to be professional."

"Ah, Seattle Grace," Lexie said, with a nostalgic tone. "It is nice to know that some things never change."

"That's for sure," Callie said. "I don't know how you two do it, but you are always on the tips of everyone's tongues."

Lexie looked at Mark. "Don't say it."

He gave her an innocent expression. "I didn't say anything."

"You were thinking it," Lexie replied.

Mark shook his head with a smile.

"Okay, you two are disgustingly cute," Callie said with mock annoyance. "Don't you know you are supposed to be indifferent to each other after nearly four years of marriage?"

"Never," Mark declared, pulling Lexie into a loving kiss.

"I think their lost to us now," Callie said to Matty. "Guess it is just you and me, kid."

Matty grinned at her in the way that only Mark Sloan's son could.

Callie rubbed her belly with a smile, thinking to herself that her own daughter would be a goner once she crossed paths with Dylan Matthew Sloan.

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**Review Please!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Here is the next chapter in my little saga. We are coming up on the moment all you bromance shippers have been waiting for, but first a little set up...  
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After lunch, Callie got called into surgery, leaving the little family to fend for themselves. Matty soon finished his lunch and occupied himself by running a toy car he had in his pocket across the surface of the table while his parents talked.

"So the surgery went well?" Lexie asked.

"Yes, it was fine," Mark replied. "I was able to reconstruct the cheek bones properly and I am confident in the grafts. There is nothing left for me to stay for. I am ready to hand the case over to the Head of Plastics here at Seattle Grace."

"So, it's time to go home," Lexie said quietly.

"Yeah," Mark said, "It's time to go home."

"Hey."

Mark and Lexie looked up to see Meredith standing there awkwardly.

"Hi," Lexie said, her face hopeful. "I thought you were busy."

"Yeah…I was," Meredith said. "But it's not everyday you find out your half-sister has a husband you didn't know about. I figured I could get…unbusy."

"Thank you," Lexie said sincerely.

"So tell me everything," Meredith said uneasily, as if she didn't want to know but felt it necessary to say.

Lexie looked at Mark with a grin. "Where do we start?"

"Umm, you work in the same hospital as Mark, right?" Meredith asked.

Lexie nodded. "Yeah, New York Presbyterian."

Meredith pulled a Powerbar out of her pocket and unwrapped it. Once she took a bite, she said, "So is the surgical program that much different there?"

Lexie shook her head. "I am not in the surgical program there. I am an attending in Obstetrics and Gynecology."

Meredith swallowed. "Good God, why?"

Lexie shifted uncomfortably, and Mark took her hand under the table. "A lot of reasons, really."

"So Meredith," Mark jumped in. "Still haven't married Shepherd, what's up with that?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "It just hasn't happened yet."

"Don't you want kids?" Lexie asked softly.

"One day, I guess," Meredith said. "I haven't really thought about it recently." Meredith looked at Matty curiously. "Derek would probably like some though."

Lexie unconsciously put a hand on her belly. "Well, they're pretty great."

Meredith picked up on the gesture. "Seriously?! You're pregnant again?"

Lexie blushed. "Yeah, sixteen weeks."

"Congratulations," Meredith said, and for once, Lexie believed her.

"It's a girl," Mark said proudly.

"Really?" Meredith said. "Hmm, I guess this is how you are going to get payback for all your time as McSteamy."

Mark and Lexie shared a look, both saying nothing.

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_Three Months Earlier…_

"Mommy, no! I don't want to wear the lions, I want the fire trucks!"

Lexie sighed with frustration, sitting back on her heels. "Please, Matty. Don't be difficult. The overalls with the fire trucks are dirty. You have to wear the lions, baby."

"No, Mommy! I don't want to!" Matty's face was screwed up in petulant frustration, angry tears forming in his eyes. "No, no, no!"

"Matty, you are going to wear what I tell you," Lexie said, tears forming in the corners of her own eyes as she tried to force the shorts on his legs.

"No!" Matty yelled, kicking out a leg and catching Lexie on the chin.

Instead of getting angry and putting Matty on timeout, Lexie lifted her hands up to her eyes and burst into tears. She couldn't stop the sobs that shook her small frame, her shoulders and stomach heaving as she took big large sobs.

"What is going on here?" Mark asked, coming into his son's room. He had just gotten out of the shower to hear yelling and crying. After throwing on his sweat pants he had run into his son's room to see the scene before him.

Lexie couldn't stop crying and Matty seemed well on his way to joining her. When he saw his father, he ran into his arms. "I'm sorry, Daddy. Didn't mean to, didn't mean to!"

Mark looked down to see that Matty only had on a shirt and underwear while Lexie was clutching the overall shorts in her hand. "Matty, were you being difficult for Mommy?" Mark asked.

Matty nodded his head, guilty tears now falling and causing his eyelashes to clump together.

"Why?" Mark asked, trying to focus on his son despite the sound of Lexie's sobs.

"Don't like lions," Matty said. His big blue eyes met Mark's in despair. "Do I have to go to the naughty chair?"

Mark knew there was more to the story when Matty mentioned the timeout chair that he had only ever been threatened with, but never forced to sit in. "Matty, what did you do to Mommy?"

"Kicked her," Matty mumbled, his chin trembling.

Mark bit his lip, forcing himself to be patient with his son. He untangled Matty from around his legs. Mark then walked over to Lexie and took the shorts from her hands. The expression in Mark's eyes must have suitably chastised his son because a fresh round of tears started again, but he allowed his father to put the overalls on him. Mark then looked at his son, "Go to my room and sit on the bed. I will be there in a moment."

Matty nodded, and scooted out of the room.

"Lexie? Sweetheart?" Mark asked, coming to sit on the floor behind her. He rubbed her back with his hand, trying to ease her sobs with his presence. Within moments, Lexie launched herself into his arms, sobbing into the crook of his neck.

"He didn't mean it, Lex," Mark murmured, stroking her hair. "He is just a little boy who is angry he didn't get his own way."

She continued sobbing unabated.

"Breathe, sweetheart, breathe." He kissed her temple, rubbing his hand up and down her back until her sobs began to ease.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," She said, sniffling a little. "I just saw his face so angry with me and I…I couldn't stop crying!" She looked into his eyes, desperate for an answer. "What's wrong with me, Mark?"

"I don't know," He murmured. "Have you been feeling okay, lately?"

"Just that flu that I had last week," Lexie said, sniffling. "Other than that I have been okay."

"Flue symptoms and you cry for no reason," Mark commented. He pulled her closer and smoothed the hair back from her forehead. "Lex, when was the last time you had your period?"

Lexie pulled back in surprise. "You think?"

"It fits," Mark said.

"Yeah," Lexie replied, a small smile beginning to play around her mouth. "It does."

"A baby," Mark said with a small amount of awe in his voice.

"Think we can handle another one?"

"Yeah, I do," He replied, kissing her fiercely.

Lexie smiled back at him, wondering how she ever got so lucky.

"I love you," Mark whispered.

"I love you more," She responded. Lexie kissed him again, hugging him tightly to her. She then stood suddenly, pulling Mark up as well. "I am going to run to the store on the corner and get a test."

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" Mark asked, his eyes full of concern.

Lexie bit her lip. "No, I got it. Would you go talk to Matty? I can't right now."

"Sure," Mark said, kissing her briefly.

Once she had left the room, Mark walked with heavy footsteps down to the room that he and Lexie shared. Inside, he found Matty sitting on the bed with his head hanging rather pathetically. Mark fought to keep his face stern.

When Matty saw him, he lifted his head and asked, "Is Mommy mad at me?"

Mark sighed. "No, buddy. Mommy isn't mad at you. She's sad."

"Did I hurt her?"

"No, just her feelings," Mark said, coming to sit beside his son on the bed. In no time, Matty had crawled onto his lap. Mark wrapped his arms around his son, kissing his head. "Matty, you and me have to protect and love your mommy, do you understand? It is our responsibility to make sure that she is safe and happy."

"I'm sorry, Daddy," Matty said, his voice full of penitence.

"It's okay, buddy," Mark said. "But you need to go sit in time out, okay?"

Matty nodded, and left the room.

Mark sighed, covering his face with his hands.

"I'm back," Lexie said, coming into the room five minutes later. "Did you talk to Matty?"

Mark nodded.

Lexie came and sat by him on the bed. She put down the brown bag with the pregnancy test in it and took Mark's left hand. "I hate having to punish him," Mark murmured.

"I know," Lexie said. "Me too."

"Whenever I do, I always feel like…"

"Like what?"

"Like my father," Mark confessed. "And I can see that indifferent and angry look that he used to give me over and over."

"Hey, look at me," Lexie commanded. "Look at me, Mark."

He raised his eyes to hers.

"You are nothing like your father, Mark," Lexie said, her tone soft but firm. "You are ten times the father he could ever hope to be."

"I just need to be a better man," Mark said. "A better man than _him_."

"You are," Lexie said.

"I just want to get this right," Mark said. "I _need_ to get this right."

Lexie took his hand and lifted it to her lips. "I have faith in you. You are a good man, Mark."

Mark looked up at her, his eyes filled with some pain that she didn't understand. "I could be better. I should be better."

* * *

_Present Day…_

"So I guess you two have it all, huh?" Meredith said. "Your happily whatever."

Lexie smiled. "You could say that."

"So, right back to New York now?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Lexie replied. "Maybe tonight if we are lucky." She ruffled Matty's hair. "The munchkin has preschool to get to."

Matty grinned at his mother, and then went back to making car sounds to accompany his red hotwheel.

"On that note," Mark said. "I should probably go check on my patient before handing him over."

After kissing Lexie, then Matty, Mark left the cafeteria, intent on having the conversation that had been building for four years.

And it would seem fate was on his side. There, standing by the bank of elevators, Derek waited for a car, his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

"Derek!" Mark called out, moving forward.

Derek looked up, and then away, stepping into the elevator when the doors opened.

"Wait!" Mark called, running into the elevator after him "Wait, I said."

"Don't. Just don't, okay?" Derek said, punching the button with a hard stab of his index finger, his earlier hurt replaced by anger.

"Derek, I…"

"Just don't," Derek said, as the doors swished closed. "I can't think of a single thing that either of us has to say to each other. You were right, Mark. Our friendship is toxic. It always has been. I can see that now, and I certainly see where it matters to you in the scheme of things."

"What the hell does that mean?" Mark asked.

"Nothing," Derek said, stepping off when the lift arrived at the twentieth floor. "It means nothing, just like the friendship we used to have."

"That's not fair."

"Life rarely is," Derek said sarcastically.

"Look, I know that Lexie and Matty must have come as a shock," Mark said, following Derek down the hall.

"Ya think?"

"A shock," Mark repeated. "But I am not going to apologize for living my life without you, any more than you should for living yours."

When they reached the door to his office, Derek turned to Mark and said, "I get it. Message received. Are we done now?"

Mark looked at him, weighing thirty-two years of friendship against four years of silence, and said, "No, Derek, we aren't done. It is time that we finally finished this, one way or another."

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**Review Please!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for the lateness of this update, this chapter was so difficult to write. The Mark and Derek conversation will continue in the next chapter, and until then I will be interested in your thoughts on the end! I hope you like it!  
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A heavy silence passed between them, and Mark swore that he could hear Derek gnashing his teeth. His pupils narrowed as he stared at the man in his doorway, who couldn't seem to take a hint.

"Get out of here, Mark!"

"No," Mark said, coming further into Derek's office and closing the door behind him. "We need to talk about this."

"There is nothing to talk about," Derek said, stepping behind his desk, as if that would put distance between what he was hearing and what Mark was saying. He braced his arms on the desk, and forced himself to keep calm.

"There damn well is," Mark said, crossing his arms. "This needs to be done."

"Why?" Derek asked. "Why now? Haven't we done this enough? For the last two days it seems like all we have done is talk and I am sick of rehashing what happened."

"We haven't rehashed anything," Mark snapped. "We have just been going back and forth but saying nothing. You've yelled, and I've yelled, but nothing more than that. We haven't really talked."

"Maybe there is a reason for that."

"Don't," Mark said. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't be a prick. Not now when I am finally in a rational frame of mind to have this conversation."

"Well," Derek said sarcastically. "I am sorry if my conversational skills aren't up to your standards. Try back in another four years, maybe I will have improved by then. Oh, and while your at it, you can tell me all about the other developments in your life that I missed after all that time. Maybe you will have a new wife and kid to tell me about after Lexie gets tired of you."

Mark clenched his jaw, and forced himself to remain calm. "So that's what this is about," Mark said nodding. "This morning you were all wounded and wanting to talk, but now your precious feelings have been hurt and you are shutting down."

"My feelings have not been hurt," Derek snapped.

"Your pride then," Mark stated. "You are mad that I had a life without you."

"That's nonsense."

"Is it?" Mark scratched his stubble. "I don't know. Maybe you're jealous."

"Alright, you son of a bitch," Derek began. "You don't know what you are talking about. I am not jealous of anything."

"Really?" Mark asked. "Cause from where I am sitting, I got everything you wanted, didn't I?"

Derek reeled back.

"I mean," Mark continued. "I got the wife, the kid, the house. Hell, soon I will even be Chief of Surgery at my hospital! I got the future that you had all planned out for yourself, and I did it without you. That's what's really bothering you, isn't it? Not that I succeeded and have a good life, but I did it without you. Guess if I am not a fuckup anymore you don't have someone to make you feel good about yourself, do you Derek?"

"That's not true," Derek denied. "I never thought of you that way."

"Bullshit," Mark snapped. "If we are going to have this talk, I mean _really_ have this talk, then let's say what has been the truth all along. You liked having me around because I made you think 'Hey, my life isn't so bad. Just look at Mark'. You needed me to remind yourself that things could always get a little bit worse."

Derek shook his head, looking shaken. "I never thought that way."

"Oh, no?" Mark asked. "Then why did you do it, Derek?"

"Do what?"

"Why did you get me thrown out of here? Why?"

"I—"

"I told you it wasn't just about the sex, I told you! I said that she made me happy! Why couldn't you just let it alone? Why the hell did you try to ruin the one thing that was going well in my life?"

"It wasn't like that," Derek said, shaking his head.

"Oh, really? Then tell me…what was it like? 'Cause I am dying to know."

"I just thought…"

"What?"

"I DON"T KNOW!" Derek yelled. "I thought that you were you! You always left them; you always broke their hearts! And I ALWAYS had to be the one to pick up the pieces! It was Lexie for Christ's sake, Mark! Lexie! What the hell was I supposed to do?! How the hell was I supposed to know that it was different with her?"

"You could have trusted me," Mark said quietly. "You could have trusted that I loved her, that she meant more to me than a quick screw. Why the fuck didn't you believe me? You were supposed to be my friend."

"You caught me at a bad moment," Derek said, messing up his hair with his agitated fingers. "I had just lost a patient, and then you came up to me and told me that you betrayed my trust…again. I didn't think; I reacted."

"I am not talking about that," Mark said. "We've beat each other up so many times that it was something I could of gotten over in an instant. Why the hell did you get me tossed out of this hospital? What were you trying to prove?"

"I don't know," Derek murmured.

"God, that more than anything else made me hate having to come back here."

"You keep saying that," Derek replied. "But I still don't know what you are talking about. Why did you come back here, Mark?"

* * *

_Two Weeks Earlier_…

"Okay, Dr. Sloan. Take a deep breath and you are going to feel something cold on your belly."

Lexie refrained from rolling her eyes at the Head of Obstetrics who had graciously agreed to be Lexie's doctor on her second pregnancy. She would have preferred to have any other doctor in the department as her primary, but Mark insisted that she have the best. Lexie didn't mind working for Dr. Ling, but she _hated _having her as her doctor. Mark smirked at her discomfort and laughingly told her that she reminded him of Sydney Heron.

Normally a technician would perform her ultrasound, but Mark had insisted that Dr. Ling be there for every step of the pregnancy. And no doctor in the hospital was about to say no to the next Chief of Surgery.

A familiar sound filled the room, and Mark squeezed Lexie's hand as they heard the fast thumping of the baby's heartbeat. It was a sound they had both heard before, but it was amazing all the same.

Dr. Ling, moved the wand around Lexie's belly until she saw the image that she wanted. "Everything looks good," She murmured, which Lexie already knew.

"Did you want to know the sex of the baby?" She asked, looking at the two parents.

"It's a girl," Lexie said, her eyes glued to the monitor, clearly seeing what she had been trained to notice. Her heart skipped a couple of times as she thought about having a little girl with her eyes and Mark's wide smile.

Dr. Ling smiled widely. "You're right!"

Lexie ignored her and turned to Mark who was clutching her hand, staring enraptured at the screen. The doctor cleared her throat, and made some excuse to leave the room.

"It's pretty amazing, huh?" Lexie said, smiling at her husband. "Just think, in a couple of months, we are going to have a little baby girl to take home."

Mark kissed her forehead.

"What's wrong?" Lexie asked, frowning. "Did you want another boy?"

"What?" Mark asked, speaking for the first time. "Of course not. A girl…that's just…perfect."

"Than what is it? Why do you look like that?"

He shook his head, unable to explain what it was that he was feeling. "It's nothing. Just…"

"Just what?"

Mark shook his head. "Let's go home. I bet Matty will be thrilled when he finds out he is going to have a sister."

Lexie nodded, blinking back tears of disappointment at Mark's reaction. She had never thought he would be one of those dads who wanted boys instead of girls. She tried to tell herself that Mark was just shocked, that he would get over it with time, but part of her heart was breaking at the thought of Mark's disappointment.

But that wasn't what Mark was feeling at all.

His mind was whirling as he stared at the fuzzy picture on the ultrasound machine. But it wasn't with disappointment, it was with joy. Joy…and fear. Mark had never been so scared in his entire life. Because on that screen was not just any baby girl, it was _his_ daughter. There was going to be a little girl in the world that was entirely dependent on him. She would need him to be the best father he could be, and one day, she was going to date.

Mark Sloan was going to have a daughter.

Oh. My. God.

* * *

_Present Day…_

"It doesn't matter," Mark replied. "What matters is that I never hated you until that day. And you know the funniest part? I wasn't even cognizant of what I was really losing until I got back to my office and I saw Lexie there waiting for me."

"I'm sorry," Derek said. "But no matter how many times I repeat it, it doesn't change anything. I know that. Just as you can't take back the fact that you got fucking married and have a kid, and never told me."

"There were many reasons for not telling you," Mark defended.

"Yeah? Name one," Derek commanded.

"I don't need to justify my actions to you," Mark said.

"Then what is this all about?" Derek asked. "Why are you here in my office? Why did you follow me and why do you want to talk? Because I'm stumped. If you just wanted to yell at me, I could have saved you some time and told you not to waste your breath. You couldn't possibly make me feel worse that I already do."

"We needed to settle this," Mark said. "You were my friend for more than thirty years, Derek. That still meant something to me, you know?"

"Could have fooled me," Derek said.

Mark sighed. "It doesn't matter. I just want to do what I came here to do. I want to settle this, Derek. I want to be able to go back to New York with a clear head. I want to be able to know that you don't hate me…that even if we're not okay, at least you don't hate me."

"I don't hate you," Derek said quietly. "I never have been able to, not even after Addie when I wanted to so badly." His eyes conveyed the truth in his words.

Mark nodded, feeling as though a weight had been taken off of him. This was it, and he knew it. He had to let it go now. All the anger and hurt feelings that he had carried around for so long were done. If he was honest with himself, Mark never thought it would have gone down this way. Perhaps he romanticized it in his mind, wishing that Derek would beg for his forgiveness and that they would be able to repair their fractured friendship. But Mark had stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago and, with the exception Lexie and Matty, nothing had been able to change that.

He and Derek were never going back to how they used to be. It just wasn't possible. "I'd better go," Mark said, after a long pause. "We're gonna try to get a flight out tonight. Matty has preschool in the morning." But as he moved towards the door, Derek's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Why did you come here, Mark? The real reason."

Mark turned, looking Derek in the eye. He hesitated in telling Derek anything else, but he supposed there was no harm in it. He smiled a little, his eyes filling with pride. "Lexie is pregnant."

"You're kidding me," Derek said, his lips quirking a little.

"No, I'm not," Mark said. "And it's a girl."

"A girl," Derek repeated.

"That's why I came," Mark smiled. "I came to Seattle because of my daughter."

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**Review Please!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Well, here it is...the final chapter. There will be an epilogue to follow after this, but this is the conclusion that has been building since that first chapter. You will notice that I included snippets of previous chapters to bookend the flashback, as the flashback is the missing conversation between Chapter 10 and 11. I also added one of my favorite Mark quotes ever...in my mind he says it to her over and over for the rest of their lives! LOL! **

**I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations! Also, congrats to Gaialy who correctly guessed the reason Mark came back to Seattle! And Mere, thanks for listening to me angst about these characters, you are an awesome person to have in my corner!**

**Enjoy, everyone!**

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"I'm afraid I don't follow you," Derek said, his brows furrowing. "What could your unborn child possibly have to do with you coming back to Seattle?" He then suddenly started in agitation. "Is she sick? Are Lexie and the baby sick?"

"No," Mark said with a wave of his hand. "God, no. Nothing like that."

"Then what?" Derek asked, his head shaking. "What does that mean?"

"I'm going to be a father again," Mark said, "You can't possibly know what it was like to find that out."

Derek's eyes clouded over.

"I didn't mean it like that, man," Mark said. "I just meant….well, it is impossible to describe the feeling until you have felt it."

"That is true," Derek allowed.

"Anyway, when Lexie and I found out about Matty, it was different, you know? We had just gotten married a month or so earlier, and everything was still so new. We had hardly learned how to coexist with each other yet, and I was still trying to figure out how to be a good husband." Mark grinned ruefully when he said those words. "I am still figuring that part out."

Derek felt an answering smile tug at his lips, but he held it back.

"So when she got pregnant the first time, it was all about the newness of it all. I was scared about being a father, but I hardly even knew what that meant." Mark stepped away from the door, coming to sit on the couch against the far wall. "I mean, the only real example I had was my father, and vague memories of my grandfather who died when I was seven."

"Grandfather Sloan," Derek said, moving around to the front of his desk. "I remember him. He smelled like peppermints."

Mark nodded. "Yeah, so I was kinda going on what I thought a father should be, you know? And Lexie kept saying things like 'When you see the baby, you will just know how to be a father', which turned out to be true, but weren't helpful at the time."

Derek laughed a little, surprising himself.

"And then, when Matty was born…it was different. I felt different, you know? I was prepared, not for being a father, but for a boy. And it has been great. I feel like I know what I am doing. But with a daughter, I am flying blind in more ways than one. Not only am a nervous about having her, but also that I won't be able to protect her. Lexie might think I am being irrational, but when I found out it was a girl…I suddenly knew that I needed to be better." He took a deep breath. "That I could be better."

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_Earlier that morning…_

"You didn't come back here for the surgery, did you?" Lexie asked.

"What do you mean?" Mark countered.

"I mean there was more. More than a reconstruction that another doctor could have done, and more than coming back here to confront the past." Lexie sat down heavily on the hotel bed. She seemed as if she was talking to herself. "You have been so strange for the past two weeks, ever since..." She trailed off. "I thought it was just stress, but…there is another reason you returned, isn't there?"

Mark rubbed a hand over his beard and sighed. "Yeah, Lex, there is."

"It's about the baby, isn't it?" Lexie asked. "You have been so strange since the ultrasound." She began to cry. "Look, I know you might not want a girl…but maybe you could learn to get used to the idea."

"What?" Mark gasped, kneeling before her on the floor. He was conscious of the fact that his son was sleeping a few feet away, but they needed to finish this conversation. "Why the hell would you think that I don't want a daughter?"

"At the ultrasound," Lexie said, "You didn't seem happy at all."

"Oh, sweetheart," Mark said, cupping her face in his strong hands. "Lord, I didn't _not _want her. It was never about that." Mark put his hand on the gentle swell of her abdomen, pressing gently. "I couldn't be happier that we are having a little girl. Never think that I am anything less that thrilled about this."

"Then what is it?" Lexie asked. "And don't say it is all in my mind, because, pregnant or not, I did not imagine your reaction at the ultrasound appointment."

"You didn't imagine my reaction," Mark said. "But you misunderstood it."

"What do you mean?" Lexie asked. "What is going on Mark?"

Mark seemed to be deciding how best to speak, and it took him a few moments before he said, "Do you remember when you were pregnant with Matty? We hadn't found out it was a boy yet, and we were looking at baby names? It was that night that you called Meredith and told her that you were pregnant."

"I remember," She responded.

"Well, you said something to me that night; something that I didn't even know had stuck with me until three years later when we found out we were having a daughter."

"What did I say?" Lexie whispered, almost afraid to know what had been weighing on her husband's mind all this time.

"You said, 'You know Mark, if we have a daughter…She is going to measure every man she ever meets against you'."

Lexie let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. She then lifted her eyebrows in surprise and asked, "And that has been bothering you all this time?"

"Not bothering me," Mark said. "Reminding me. When I saw our daughter on that screen, I suddenly realized that everything was different now. That _I_ had to be different now."

"I don't understand, Mark," Lexie said. "How is this different than when I was pregnant with Matty?"

"It's our daughter, Lex. It _is_ different. She needs me to be the best possible man that I can be." Mark pressed his forehead against Lexie's, his voice dropping to a barely audible whisper. He had to make her understand. "When I met you, it was like coming back to life. I had been dead inside for so long. So very long. But then you came and you changed things, Lex. You changed everything. I had tried to convince myself that I didn't need anything or anyone. I tried to believe that there was nothing else out there for guys like me. I wouldn't even consider the idea that I had it all wrong; I knew I was right. And I had forgotten…what it was to be needed, to be wanted. I had forgotten so much. But then you came and suddenly I began to remember. And all the stupid shit that I had been convinced would make me happy just didn't seem to cut it anymore." Mark paused, kissing her gently, as if he couldn't bear not to any longer. "I know that you think that it was hard for me to be faithful to you in the beginning, and to change my life to fit you in, but it wasn't. Not even a little bit. I was so glad to give all that meaningless shit up because I _finally_ had a reason to do so. I was so broken, Lexie. I was so broken…and you put me back together."

Lexie began to cry again, but Mark didn't worry because she was smiling as well.

"You made me better, Lex," He continued. "You made me better when I thought no one could; when I thought no one needed to. And you made me want the bull about the happy ever after, and the house in the suburbs with the dog and two point five kids."

"We don't live in the suburbs," Lexie said with a smile.

"It's an example, Lex." Mark said with a smile. "The point is, I never even thought about wanting all that stuff until you came along, and even when Addison got pregnant, I didn't really believe that it was going to happen. The happy ending, I mean. Not for me. I never thought that I could possibly deserve it…but then you came along. And then I knew I could be better." Mark pulled back, meeting her eyes. "And that is how this baby makes me feel. I can be better, Lex, and for this baby I want to be. Our daughter and Matty need me to be the best possible man I can be. That is why I came back here. I came back here to resolve things with Derek because I don't want anything standing in the way of me being that better guy."

"You want to be better for the baby," Lexie repeated, awe in her voice.

"Yes. I _need_ to be better for the baby. And this thing with Derek takes away from that." Mark sighed, sitting back on his heels. "I don't want to carry this around anymore, Lex. I didn't even realize, until I was here, how much anger I still have over what happened back then. I want…no, I _need_ to let it go. My number one priorities are you and our children. Nothing else matters, and I want to be able to really know that I did everything I could to let this go…for our children's sake. So that one day, when our baby girl really does measure other guys against me, she doesn't find fault with me, only with them."

Lexie smiled through the tears in her eyes. "You are a wonderful man, Mark."

"And if that doesn't work," Mark muttered to himself, "I can always lock her in a nunnery."

Lexie laughed.

"Do you understand now?" Mark asked her.

She nodded tremulously, tears in her eyes. "I get it."

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't even know it myself until I got here," Mark said. "That first night when I saw Derek, I thought I was fine. I thought that the past was in the past, you know? But then I was so angry the next day and I couldn't figure it out. But I kept thinking of everything that led us to this point, of all the things that brought us here. I kept remembering it all in my head, you know? And I realized then that I didn't come here to take on a simple reconstruction. I came here because I had to."

Lexie stood and walked over to him, pulling him into her arms. He squeezed her tight, allowing the feel of her body to fill his senses. "You're not mad?" Mark asked, hesitantly.

"Why would I be mad?" Lexie asked. She touched her belly and smiled. "Our son and our daughter are very lucky to have you for a father."

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_Now…_

"So that's why," Mark said, finishing telling Derek about his conversation with Lexie the night before. "Lexie made me better, but I needed to make myself even better for my daughter. That is why I came back here. I didn't know it at the time, but I accepted Owen's offer because I needed to make amends for her. I needed to come back here and fix this with you because I didn't want it hanging over my head anymore. Not now that my life is about to change again." He rubbed his hand across his face. "I am still angry with you, but I am gonna let it go now. I am gonna let it go and return to New York with my family and wait for my daughter to be born."

Derek nodded, understanding so much more than just what Mark had said. He could see now what he had not been able to before: Mark had grown up. He had seen the changes in him, but this was totally different. Derek could see now how wrong he had been all those years ago. When Derek finally spoke, his voice was rough with emotion, "I can't really begin to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you back then."

Mark sighed. "Let it go, Derek. I didn't mean what I said about blaming you. I don't blame you for what you did to me and Lexie. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn't had to go back to New York? Lexie and I might have continued to dance around the issue forever."

"You don't believe that," Derek said with a small smile.

"No, I don't," Mark allowed. "But I don't have to wonder, that's the point. I am with her, and we're happy. That's all that matters."

"If you weren't really mad about her, what are you mad about?" Derek asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear Mark say it.

"I guess I was mad that you did that to us," Mark finally said.

"To you and me?"

Mark nodded. "You destroyed us, Derek. We were best friends for over thrity years and you went and…" He trailed off, wanting to make Derek understand. After a long pause, he asked, "Do you know what that year was like for me after Addison?"

Derek shook his head.

"I was miserable Derek," Mark said. "The guilt seemed to eat at me all the time. Why the hell do you think I eventually sabotaged my relationship with Addison? Before things got really bad, before she ab… Before that, they were okay. Things were okay and I deliberately slept around and made sure she would know about it. All because I realized only too late that I didn't deserve to be happy at your expense. My shrink said I was self-destructive. Truer words…" Mark sighed. "But the point is this, Derek. I was miserable, so miserable that I moved to a city that I hated and endured your scorn and derision for nearly a year to be your friend again. And then you went and threw it all away.

"I regret it, you know," Derek said suddenly. "I regret it a lot…If it helps at all."

"A little," Mark admitted. "A little."

They sat in silence for a while, the distance between them narrowing every moment. There was a familiarity in it, and a sense of rightness that they had both missed. It almost felt much the way it had before everything had been so destroyed. Mark knew then that he wanted this back; he wanted his friend back. But he didn't know how to say that, not after everything that had happened and been said.

But in the end, he didn't have to.

Derek said it for him.

He looked at Mark and then cleared his throat, trying to get out the words that were stuck in the back of his throat. Finally, Derek haltingly said, "Can we…can we be friends again?"

Mark wanted to say yes, but he forced himself to calm and instead looked at him steadily, and said, "It's not gonna be the same."

"I know that," Derek said. "But I am willing to try…if you are."

Mark grinned at him. "Okay." There was an awkward silence between them then for a moment, but then Mark burst out, "So what's the deal with you and Meredith still being unmarried after all this time?"

Derek laughed. "Well, it all started four years ago…"

They talked for the better part of an hour, both relishing the feel of a friendship they had both needed and missed.

It wasn't the same; it couldn't be.

But it was the beginning of something different.

Something maybe …better.

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**Review Please!**


	18. Epilogue

**Here we go, the final installment. I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed my story. Each review was deeply appreciated, and I hope that you will all continue to read my stories as they are written. Thanks to the girls over at Fanforum. You guys are amazing, and I am very lucky to have such wonderful readers and fellow fans. Also, a special thanks to Mere for all her support.**

**And now, the epilogue...**

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Epilogue

_New York, Five Months Later..._

To Mark's mind, the three greatest feelings in the world could be summed up thus: making love to Lexie, completing a surgery that no one else could do, and holding his brand new child in his arms for the first time. He had only had a chance to experience the last one once before, but it had never paled in his mind in the intervening years. He could still see and hear everything that he had felt when he took that tentative step towards fatherhood and looked down at that innocent face resting in the safety of his embrace. He had felt so humbled to even be in the same plane of existence with his son, and now he thought the same thing as he looked down at his daughter.

Standing in the middle of a hospital room, Mark looked at the familiar scene before him. Lexie was fast asleep this time, her eight hours of labor much more difficult that with Matty. She had grumbled something about labors supposed to be getting easier with subsequent children, but had readily agreed when Mark suggested that she get some rest. She had been asleep for the last hour, leaving Mark alone with his infant daughter in his arms.

The tiny face poking out of the pink blanket didn't resemble him or Lexie at all so far, and yet Mark felt much more connected to her than anything or anyone he had ever met. This birth felt very similar to when his son had been born, and yet it had been different too. During Lexie's pregnancy with Matty, they had both been so focused on being parents for the first time that they hadn't really digested what it all meant. But this time, Mark had been very attuned to the responsibility of another child. As a result, holding his daughter in his arms was an extremely intense feeling.

As he gently stroked the crown of her head with the tips of his fingers, a sense of utter happiness came over him. The baby shifted, but slept on. He wished she would wake up so that he could see her eyes, but he truly didn't mind. Mark knew that she would open them eventually. Until she did, Mark thought about all the things that had changed in such a short time.

In the five months since Mark, Matty, and Lexie had returned from Seattle, life had gone back to normal for them. Matty had returned to preschool with tall tales about his trip to see his aunts and uncles in Seattle, while Lexie had returned to work for a short while before starting on her extended maternity leave. As for Mark, he had come back in New York Presbyterian Hospital to the surprising news of a job promotion. He was now the Chief of Surgery at NYPH, a responsibility he did not take lightly. He was determined to turn the hospital into the best in the country and Lexie was right there with him, cheering him on. Initially, she had feared that this new title would monopolize his time, and it had...in the beginning. But as soon as Mark had the protocols and deputies he needed in place, he was right back to being the involved husband and father he had been before they had gone to Seattle. Mark and Lexie's relationship was even better now that they had been able to put their mutual past at Seattle Grace behind them. To Mark, it was like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and to Lexie...well, she just felt relieved that there was no part of her life that couldn't be shared anymore. But for all this, they were much the same as they had always been. The only real difference now was Mark and Lexie's respective relationships with Derek and Meredith.

The sound of Mark's cell phone vibrating startled him out of his reverie, and he used his free hand to answer it, keeping his daughter in the crook of his elbow.

"Hello?"

"Mark!"

"Derek," Mark responded with a gentle, but hushed, laugh. "What's going on? You sound entirely too cheerful."

"I just got the picture you sent me," Derek said, the sound of him smiling translating over the cell phone. "She's beautiful. You sure she's yours?"

"Nice," Mark said with another quiet laugh. "Lexie assures me that she is and I am gonna go on faith with this one."

Derek chuckled. "Listen, I just called to tell you that Meredith and I are going to be on the next flight out to see our niece. We are standing in SeaTac now. Tell Matty that his favorite uncle is on is way."

Mark rolled his eyes as he gently rocked the baby back and forth. "You wish you were his favorite. We all know he likes Eric better."

"Low blow, man," Derek said. "Low blow. Eric has had a three year head start on me. After this visit, Matty will be firmly in the Shepherd camp."

Mark snorted. "Please, he hardly has a head start on you. He has been in Iraq half the time. Face it Shep, my son just has good taste."

"He loves me," Derek said.

"Sure," Mark said, smirking into the phone. His voice turned softer then, and he said, "I am sure he will be glad to see you though. He has been with Lexie's best friend Lindsay since Lexie went into labor last night, and he is so excited about the baby; he must be driving Lindsay nuts by now."

He could hear Derek laughing as he said, "Well, Mere and I will take him off her hands. It will be good practice for her."

Mark shook his head, though he knew Derek couldn't see. "Cart before the horse, my friend; try marrying her first."

"Oh, I did that yesterday," Derek said nonchalantly.

"What?" Mark hissed in surprise.

"It's true," Derek said. "So I really am Matty's uncle now."

Mark smiled and whispered, "That's great, Derek."

"Don't tell Lexie," Derek said. "Meredith wants to tell her all about our adventure at City Hall when we get there."

"Okay," Mark said.

"Oh! Our flight is boarding. We'll be there soon," Derek said.

"Okay, see you in a couple of hours," Mark responded.

"Bye."

"Bye," Mark repeated, hanging up the call and putting his cell phone back in his jeans.

"Who was that?"

Mark turned, smiling when he saw Lexie. "That was Derek. They should be here in about five and a half hours."

Lexie grinned back as she struggled to sit up in her hospital bed. "Gimme," She said, reaching out her arms for the baby.

He walked over to her and gently eased his bundle into her arms. "She hasn't opened her eyes yet," Mark commented.

"That's not unusual," Lexie said, humming low under her breath as she rocked the baby. "She was just born, give her some time."

"But I want her to open her eyes," Mark said with a plaintive whine in his voice, settling on the bed behind his wife.

"You know what they say about waking a sleeping baby..."

"I thought it was a bear," Mark commented.

"Bear...baby, same concept," Lexie said. "You don't wake them because they will wake up on their own soon enough."

"Yes, Dr. Sloan," He said, his voice low. Mark kissed her shoulder where her hospital gown was opened slightly and whispered, "I love it when you talk doctor to me."

"Hush," Lexie said, her cheeks heating. "There are little ears present."

"She's sleeping, you said so yourself."

"Not the point," Lexie murmured. "You are going to corrupt our children."

Mark smiled against her skin. "You love me anyway."

Lexie sighed. "You've got me there. One look at those blue eyes of yours and I was hooked."

"I think it was more than just my eyes that got your attention," Mark said huskily.

"Now you're edging towards dirty," Lexie said, chuckling as she looked down at the baby.

Mark kissed Lexie's cheek, and joined her in looking down at their daughter. She was so utterly perfect that it almost hurt to look at her. Mark didn't know what he had done to merit his current happiness, but he wasn't going to question it. Looking at his daughter, a thought entered his head. "I know we were talking about naming her Susanna Gabrielle, but I was thinking..."

"Hmm? What were you thinking?" Lexie asked, shifting the baby slightly.

"Well, Callie named her daughter Adrianna, and that it awfully similar...So I was thinking we could name her Susan Isabella." Mark gently caressed his daughter's cheek. "She looks like a Bella to me."

Tears filled Lexie's eyes as she looked down at her daughter who was the perfect namesake for the women who had affected Lexie's life in two very different ways. She gently kissed the baby's forehead and said, "You are right; she does look like a Bella."

Susan Isabella Sloan chose that moment to open her eyes, showing her parents the stunning steel blue eyes that she had inherited from her father.

Mark sucked in his breath.

"She has your eyes," Lexie commented.

"They could change," Mark said, trying not to get his hopes up.

Lexie looked at him with a gentle smile. "I don't think they will. Our little Bella is going to be a Daddy's girl. I can tell."

Staring down at the perfect little girl laying in her mother's arms, Mark smiled to himself as he thought about all the twists and turned that had brought him to this very moment. Shifting the baby out of Lexie's arms and into his own, Mark smiled at his wife and then down at his daughter. "I think you're right, Lex. I think you're right."

The End

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**Review...one last time?**


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